Apologies for length in advance
I've got 3 for you, fortunately only one involves me so here goes.

1: Let's get mine out of the way first. I was probably about 11 at the time, though I'm not too sure. Me, mum and brother went on a skiing holiday to Yugoslavia (before you had to ski round exploding shells and landmines), we were heading down a nice gentle blue slope (beginner to intermidiate for those not in the know) with me in front, mum decided at the last minute that we ought to turn off this particular slope and head for another, by this time I have nearly reached escape velocity and she is barely keeping up, she yells out from behind to turn left, which I do, only to be met with a smaller track heading for the other slopes and a German family doing the equivilant of Sunday driver speed. Now as this was only a few days into the holiday and I was a bit out of practise, I hadn't successfully mastered the art of stopping, or slowing down in a hurry, so I did what any other 11 year old would do, I put my head down, closed my eyes and hoped for the best. The best in this case turned out to be plowing into the father of the group's backside and getting a bit of a concussion, I say this is the best because if it weren't for ski suits being so thick then there would have been quite an ammusing pantomime horse on skis going down the hill.

2: Going for a number 2 should not be dangerous, however, my stepdad found a way to make it so. Most people do this in a sensible order: put toilet seat down, lower trousers and prefered underwear, turn around, sit and so forth. Not my mother's hubby, oh no. With the toilet seat still up he decided to remove lower body garments first, turn around, grab the toilet seat that was now behind him, then lower the toilet seat at the same time as assuming the sitting position, placing his happy sacks between the porceline rim and toilet seat, which then meant his entire body weight crushed them between the two unyielding surfaces. Neighbours came round after a while to complain about the noise.

3: Same house as number 2 but this time a party was involved, 2 girls (not sure who) were talking in one part of the kitchen as well as a few other people, suddenly one of the girls screams as there's a large spider crawling over the work top, cue some guy (not sure who he was either) coming to their rescue. Acting like the slickest knight in camelot he deftly picks up the arachnid foe and proceeds to take it to the back door, unfortunately Captain Cool didn't realise the glass door was still shut, so smiling at the girls as if to say "Don't worry ladies, he won't bother you again" he swung his arm back the forwards to hurl the little blighter outside, unfortunately his hand connected with the glass which didn't budge, so there he was there he was, wincing in pain with a spider mashed all over his hand and two birds laughing their asses off at him.
(Lord of my Ring, Tue 7 Sep 2004, 20:14, Reply)