My dappy mum
My mother is dappy. She's also very house proud. We've recently finished the mammoth task of converting a barn (NEVER attempt it - 6 years in portacabins *shudder*). There are all the original beautiful beams on show, and we have wooden floors.

The beams are waxed to make them silky shiny, but just to top up the wax my mum has some wax polish spray. In a normal, carpeted house, this would hardly pose a problem, however,

Dappy mother + wooden floor + spray polish = BAD THINGS HAPPEN

I enter house, take off shoes and quickly nip upstairs to get to room only to go flying on the landing (there is carpet there now). Mother denys ALL knowledge of wax on floor until I see the spray and directly question her. She didn't think about the fact that gravity would cause it to fall BELOW the beams. She seemed genuinely surprised when I suggested she put an old towel beneath the beam she was spraying ("ooh, I never thought of that!")

Fast forward 2 days, mother has discovered "Floor Wax" and liberally coated our lounge with it. I get home with a few friends to find my mum with teatowels on her feet, SKATING around our lounge. I raised my eyebrows but then decided it could be fun, and so the group of us donned our teatowels and shuffled around on the increasingly shiny floor. Needless to say, one thing led to another and my mum started trying to ice skate. I warned her it may not have been the most intelligent idea, but 5 minutes later she was flying through the air, arse over tit, and landing on her backside in front of me and my friends (we're all in our early 20's). I think she's so used to it she has no conception of the word embarrassment any more.

Oh yeah, and she came in the house yesterday with bleeding grazed knees. I didn't ask.
(Imp of destruction, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 16:14, Reply)