Vigilance
I used to always carry business cards for the non-existent organisation, "The North-West London Vigilance Committee"

Organisation Motto: "A Laugh, A Smile, A Brutal Coshing!"

The NWVC was set up during a heavy drinking session in a run down pub in NW London, following the recent burglaries of both mine and a mates posessions.

We decided to devote ourselves to truth, honour and vigilante justice. We also decided that the best time to start this campaign of brutali...I mean vigilance was after many pints of lager.

So anyway, there was this couple on the corner outside the pub, her in a cocktail dress, him in a tuxedo. They looked 'wrong', know what I mean? They were hanging around suspiciously, were overdressed for the area, it was *obviously* suspect and needed investigating. So we nonchalantly staggered out of the pub (we would have sauntered but falling over drunkenly intervened) and casually strolled over to begin the interrogation.

For some reason the following exchanged dialogue betwen us while we wandered over (this took some time) made them start walking away:

"They look sussusipicious mate!"
"Lettsh ush inveshtigate comrade!"

We decided to follow surreptitiously (in reality, really obviously) with lots of really loudly whispered "Shuss's!", badly attempting to hide behind parked cars as we went.

They started to break into a run, we followed suit, this time to catch them up and 'explain' that we were a newly formed vigilance committee and we were "There for their protection". Unfortunately they made it to their car and drove off before we could reassure them. I hope they are glad that we were there to keep the streets safe from scum like...well, like us.

The above story is all true word for word. I'm so proud.

I hope it reassures you that I and my friend have now channelled our energies into much healthier pursuits, like swordfighting and now own a large selection of swords and axes.

I did also think of making up cards with stfu dot com on them and giving them out to overly loud, tedious idiots in public places. The idea was, they would go home and check out the URL and be presented with a well deserved loud "SHUT THE FUCK UP!".

Someone else got the URL (and on last look had done something odd with it) and my usual lack of action prevented me from doing anything with it. Someone else has probably done it by now too...
(Wascally Weasel now with 100% fewer jokes., Mon 31 Oct 2005, 13:42, Reply)