In the ass.. In the Big House
This story, peculiarly enough is not one of mine, but that my mother's. Her time at high school is one that she would rather forget so I'm told, but one incident holds great humour in her memory.

This involves one Chemistry teacher of Irish heritage, whom also taught me during my time at the same high school (CHHS Leeds, I was there betwixt 1994 - 2000 for anyone who wants to know). I cannot remember his name at present, but he had a habit of constantly blaming cows for the then oft-talked-about hole in the Ozone layer, but I digress.

The year was approx 1977.

Said teacher was directing his lesson in his usual, spouting his meesage of "You can go to the bathroom only once! I do not care if you wet yourselves!" as well as some Chemical Fiddly-Doodlery, but had to leave the classroom in order to collect some.. umm.. chemicals (I'm a computologist, not a scientician, leave me alone).

A plucky young child, known as 'Willie' (my mother fondly remembers him as being 'a cunt', as you will soon find out) took it upon himself to play a prank; prop some scissors on the teacher's seating arrangement, thus making for maximal hilarity.

Such was not the case.

The teacher promptly came back into the room..

The trap was set..

The teacher was in a need to rest his legs..

He did not see the Scissors..

A flailing of limbs and profanity as the searing blade thrust forth into the gaelic sphincter, and an ambulance needed to be called in order to repair the cut-and-paste ringpiece.

Said child was expelled, and rightly so, but as time always tells, such disturbed children need help or correction, not just punishment.

The story does not end here, my tired-eyed friends, for fast forward to 1998, during my time at the same school, a news report echoed the name of someone whom I had only heard of in tales from a past I had not lived.. and he was convicted of the murder of a woman whom he tied up and killed in Leeds... with some sphincter-rupturing scissors.**

** Not really.. he strangled her to death, but the above story is true; it was quite a surprise seeing the smile on the teachers face when I informed him of the incarceration of his arse-nemesis.


Penis.
(Lythium deals in lead, my friend., Fri 14 Dec 2007, 14:16, 3 replies)

that
is not only amusing, it's also pretty disturbing...
(tarbin tarbis, tarbit, tarbamus, tarbimus, tarbant, Fri 14 Dec 2007, 16:08, closed)

"not only amusing, it's also pretty disturbing..."
I believe it's par for the course at this website, heh.

Come to think of it, I do remember the teachers name now.. it was Mr.Murray

N.B. Kids, if you're at Cardinal Heenan school in Leeds, and he's still there, remind him of it!

:D

EDIT: I've just realised that I've been here for just over a year now. YAY! "You'll Never Leave!" they said.. and I didn't believe them.
(Lythium deals in lead, my friend., Fri 14 Dec 2007, 22:44, closed)

AROOGA!
Incorrect use of "whom" alert!
(Musuko, Wed 19 Dec 2007, 16:18, closed)