As a teenager I and friends would gather in a mates house to play games and smoke, but were plagued by this twat who would come to the house
and fall asleep. Not so annoying you might think, except he would do it right in the middle of everything and you could not wake him up!

So we took to doing various cruelties to the man as he slept to make ourselves feel better and hopefully make him think twice about doing it again, mainly inserting random objects into his clothing.

These include:

Inserting breakable crunchy items such as Monster Munch or biscuits into various parts of his clothing and taking bets upon which would break when, as he occasionally shifted about in his sleep. One of us got told off for cheating by the use of a feather under his nose. We did eggs once.

When he fell asleep on a leaking bean bag, slowly and creatively finding ways to get the leaking polystyrene balls that left the bag upon each of his stirrings into his clothing. Using rolled mags, plastic funnels and the less creative method of just stuffing them in there, he eventually became the (now flaccid) beanbag! Come his awakening, as he rose, he exploded in white, and as he wobbled upstairs to pee (his first job of every awakening) we heard a scream! Apparently they were even under his foreskin days later! We had a lot of vacuuming to do afterwards but it was well worth it.

Making up some wall paper paste with a splash of milk and with the aid of a child's toy (too complex to explain) squirting it into his underwear and then when he eventually awoke and found this mixture messing up his privates convincing him he had earlier had a wet dream right in front of everyone. I believe we used the phrase, 'Humping the carpet'.

And once covered him with a hot quilt, and then slowly but surely (as his positions allowed) removed his outer clothing until he was only in his undercracks, then removed the quilt and turned off the fire he was curled up in front of, and watched him awaken in the cold in front of everyone perplexed, semi naked, and not knowing where his clothes were nor why or when they went. We all played dumb like everything was normal and he was really confused for about a half hour.

For no good reason we once put on his helmet (he always arrived on a moped) and closed the tinted lid, and again, played dumb when he awoke confused and gasping.

Nothing ever stopped him BTW...
( ..wil, Fri 14 Dec 2007, 18:25, 2 replies)

click
this is genius
humping the carpet.....brilliant
(electrogirl no one thinks about the implications of a clown su, Tue 18 Dec 2007, 15:00, closed)

The most terrifying phrase ever....
"Apparently they were even under his foreskin days later!"

NOTHING should remain under your foreskin for any length of time longer than a day. Twelve hours, even.

What was he trying to do - make Emmenthal? Christ.
(Guizmeaux, Tue 18 Dec 2007, 18:15, closed)