Muff Diver
I were a wee young sailor in the RN and I had a best mate who we'll call Andy Goode (cos thats what fate & his mum called him) Andy was a good mate-he'd share his last fag, drink and he didn't get huffy when I shagged his ex-I digress.
Andy was always short of cash so I suggested that he put in for a 'Muff diving course' & that muffs were dangerous little things that attached themselves to ships, so muff divers were needed to de-muff a ship before it left port...and so Andy dutifully put in a chit (=request) to be a muff diver & began making plans for the extra cash this would bring him, plus as I assured him there was a demand for any muffs he could bring aboard...
it seemed like a great gag, but then in their own twisted way that R.N. officers have: they took his request seriously...it got passed from the Chief Petty officer, to the sub lieutenant, to the lieutenant, commander, officer of the day and (during this of course everybody on board was busy congratulating Andy on his good fortune in being a possible muff diver and were promising their own tips on a good muff hunt, promising that if he found any good muffs that they'd take them off his hands etc.) eventually reached the Captain.
i was called before the Old Man. he kindly suggested that there were two choices; either he told Andy or I did. and that though he appreciated the gag he would prefer that i kept them 'below decks'
I told Andy. who didn't talk to me for a week or two.
tho' i did later sign him up for splash target coxswain: a splash target being a big white painted raft towed behind a ship for gunners to play shooty gunny at, he declined the invite.
(mickturate if i could be arsed i'd be bored, Mon 17 Dec 2007, 8:44, Reply)