stupid keyboard
is there anyone else who can't cope with the fact that calculators, phones and keyboards all have the numbers in different orders? apparently something to do with the japanese having invented the calculator... please tell me i am not alone in this!

anyway. as a baby trainee property lawyer with the most horridest boss in london, i was running the purchase of a £50M building under his supervision. completion was moved forward a day and i was running around like the original blue arsed fly, stressed, unhappy, tearful, overworked, underpaid, disillusioned, unsupported. but also enjoying the challenge and feeling good at my job.

you may know that 3pm is the cut-off for bank transfers. our client's mortgagee fucked up the transfer and i only got the funds at 2.30, had to turn them round and back out to the vendor before 3pm. no problem, my instructions went out, done.

at 2.53pm i was idly flicking through the file. and my heart literally stopped and my blood went quite cold as i saw i had transposed two digits on the transferee sort code. it felt exactly as if i had swallowed an ice cube.

now i knew the funds weren't going anywhere. but if they didn't get to where they were going before 3pm, we couldn't complete.

"erm, simon," i said hesitantly. "what would happen if we - er - didn't complete today for any reason?"

simon put down his mont blanc and eyed me beadily. "well, rswipe," he said slowly. "technically nothing as the due date isn't until tomorrow, so there's no loss."

wahey! yahoo! phew!

"but," he went on heavily, "and i am not aiming this at you, because i know it wouldn't be your fault. but take it from me: i would find out whose fault it was, and i would ensure that their life became a. living. hell. the clients have a completion party booked tonight and if i have to ring them and tell them they haven't completed..."

the rest of it was lost on me. i was in the bathroom, heaving. my vision went black and i could see stars.

a couple of minutes later i was downstairs in accounts promising them blood, money, my car, my body, deep throat, champagne, champagne deep throat - anything if they would sort it out. they said they could try but not to hold my breath, it was too late. tears in my eyes for real now, i went back up to face the music.

simon was standing in the door, his arms folded.

"the other side have just called," he said grimly. my knees buckled. and he went on...

"funds have just arrived and i'd like you to make the completion call. well done, you've worked well today."

thank fuck for that. i swear i've never ever been even a millionth that stressed before or since (touch wood). although making the completion phone call wasn't much fun either. ever had to say the sentence "i now release the £50M you are holding to my firm's order"??? believe me, you try every little thing not to make that final decision... can we just check that page again... confirm your undertaking to release the deeds in the DX tonight for the third time... what's the weather like at your end... what colour pants are you wearing, cos mine are brown by now...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 26 Oct 2007, 17:02, 14 replies)

did you have to pay
up? :P
( Kroney, Fri 26 Oct 2007, 17:16, closed)

I've got some wood for you to touch...
I'd say that you owe Simon a thorough beating, or at least a nice hard Dope Slap...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 26 Oct 2007, 17:19, closed)

Dispicable replies!
Did you though? I would have settled for champagne deep throat. :D
(Scoopfoot loves lamp, Sat 27 Oct 2007, 1:31, closed)

"settled for" the champagne deepthroat???
blimey, what does it take for you to consider it a special offer?!

oh, and did i do it? well, turned out the clerk who actually saved my illiterate bacon was my friend jess. you can use those ingredients to make whatever conclusion you like...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 27 Oct 2007, 12:27, closed)

Keypad layouts
www.vcalc.net/Keyboard.htm offers a few perspectives on why telephone & calculator keypads are different.
( flake has nothing against your right leg, Sat 27 Oct 2007, 12:54, closed)

thanks!
one of those mysteries cleared up v efficiently.

can you also tell me where i put my bankcard when i came in hammered last night please??????
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 27 Oct 2007, 13:12, closed)

check the kitchen for your bankcard
or the bathroom.
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Sat 27 Oct 2007, 19:55, closed)

i'd put it
in a family guy dvd case. fuck knows why, guess i must have had vague plans of watching it, but i'd already cancelled it by the time i found it when i felt like watching it for real...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sun 28 Oct 2007, 9:46, closed)

DVD cases
hahaha. always a good place to keep your bank cards............or not.
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Sun 28 Oct 2007, 12:10, closed)

not
if you want to be able to find them again, it isn't!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sun 28 Oct 2007, 13:14, closed)

Stupid keypads
I agree. I spent a summer using an adding machine constantly. I can now enter numbers accurately at a phenomenal rate but it takes me about 5 minutes to dial a phone :(
(mmm....beer, Sun 28 Oct 2007, 18:10, closed)

is there anyone else who can't cope with the fact that calculators, phones and keyboards all have the numbers in different orders?
Argh, me too! I hate that; I have to look at the damn thing every time I'm adding my work hours up and even then I'm sure I'm cheating myself out of 1/2 my wage packet.
(TDub Nunc id vides, nunc ne vides on, Sun 28 Oct 2007, 19:33, closed)

I've just looked at my phone and my keypad...
...I'd never noticed that before...and I live and work with the things all day, every day.

...Please, don't say anything...I know I truly am as thick as pigshit.

*shudders*
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Mon 29 Oct 2007, 17:24, closed)

don't really have trouble with numberpad layouts, except....
why do they make the keypads on mobiles and cordless phones disproportionately small? Surely only tech-savvy primary school kids and elves can use them at any decent speed. As a nail-biting stubby-fingered ape of a bloke, I go round phone shops like a consumer tester from Saga, looking for ones with 'big buttons'.

Another pointless post by;
(Greencloud Wanted to go fishing on, Tue 30 Oct 2007, 9:44, closed)