Garages
My old VW Golf was hardly the paragon of German reliability that the adverts proclaimed. In fact, it went wrong. A lot and at almost Alfa Romeo-esque expense levels.

In the same way my Alfa 156 ate air-mass meters (which cost £200 for a length of drainpipe with a bit of wire shoved in it), my Golf loved nothing more than to lunch a fuel pump. The impending fuel pump death would be forewarned by a high pitched annoying whine from the underside of the car - as opposed to the high pitched annoying whine in the car, which was my ex wife. Only one of which could be fixed with a 5lb hammer unfortunately.

Anyway, having spent £165 on getting a faulty and 36,000 mile old fuel pump replaced, the car starts to misfire and the dreaded whine is back. Further investigation reveals that the Mk 2 Golf has TWO fuel pumps, one under the car and the other in the petrol tank. The latter can be bought for £38 and requires nothing more than a jubilee clip to fit it. Price from VeeDub? £100.

Kerching! Decision made, I'm in the boot of the car removing the access flap to the petrol tank. I have to unscrew a large, plastic cap, pull out the wires and unplug the fuel pump on the end of it before reversing this process.

Job's a good 'un. Fucking garages, what do they know...

Six weeks later it's MOT time. Apparently the seal on my petrol tank was faulty, which necessitated a service engineer undoing the large screw cap and doing it up again.

Total cost for this job? £100...
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 31 Oct 2007, 16:22, 8 replies)

PJM
Are you Quentin Wilson in disguise?
( abefroman skating on the thin life of modern life on, Wed 31 Oct 2007, 16:31, closed)

Yes
you could never fix a fuel pump with a 5lb hammer...
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 31 Oct 2007, 16:36, closed)

Quentin Wilson?
Nah, just that my expensive mistakes in life have involved cars, bicycles and women.

At least with bicycles and cars, you can take them back to point of purchase and demand a refund.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 31 Oct 2007, 16:45, closed)

Yeah...
.. but you cant punch a bike or car in the face when you've finished shagging it can you?
(Vic Flange, Wed 31 Oct 2007, 16:49, closed)

Lunar Jim
Speaking of shagging the local bike (and pavement), read this.
( abefroman skating on the thin life of modern life on, Wed 31 Oct 2007, 16:53, closed)

I saw that...
Why? Even in the absence of an obliging like minded lady, there have to be more suitable everyday objects with which to relieve the tension?
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 31 Oct 2007, 17:03, closed)

...
...okay, my mind is blown.

You can get arrested in the UK for sex with an inanimate object?

Y'all are just weird.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 31 Oct 2007, 17:05, closed)

I think
that the guys who shagged a bike and the pavement are the truly weird ones. Anyway, why shouldn't they be arrested, how many times must the pavement say no? The bike also wasn't happy because he wasn't wearing protection (insert helmet joke here).
( abefroman skating on the thin life of modern life on, Wed 31 Oct 2007, 17:12, closed)