Bunny Spoiler
My part in a pointless experiment.

I used to have pretty odd acquaintances when I was a nipper but none was more weird than Wayne who lived two doors down from me. Wayne was special needy in a peculiar way. He was also obsessed by animals. He had a dog, a cat, and some rabbits. I think his parents must have been special needy as well as they gave him responsibility to look after the said animals. Incidentally, our acquaintance started when my mum ordered me to go to his house to be his friend.

Anyway, one day he decided to sadistically see how long his two rabbits (the rabbit’s names escape me) would last without being fed.

These poor little buggers lived in his shed and Wayne wasn’t the best ‘dad’ to his rabbits without the murderous intentions that he later acquired so I always felt sorry for them.

So he started to starve them to death.

However, as the days went by, he noticed that despite not feeding them, they weren’t getting thinner and actually looked a lot healthier than they should have been even when he was just routinely neglecting them. They also, he confided to me, started to stare at him more. They were freaking him out with their “intelligent” red eyes.

As the weeks went by, he sported a petrified look whenever he went outside to his shed to check on the rabbits. He became convinced that they were somehow leaving the hutch and going out at night to get food and that they were plotting to get him one day. He stopped checking on the rabbits and refused to go into his garden.

By this point I was almost running out of my pocket money buying food for the rabbits and secretly feeding them, so I suggested to him that if he went back in to the shed and regularly fed them very well, that they might not talk to each other in their special scratch language (which I claimed to understand) about killing him and harvesting his ears (which looked like cauliflowers) for food as punishment.

The rabbits became a bit fatter and they were living in lapin rapture. All was right in the world, and a young intellectually challenged boy learnt that unless he fed and treated animals well, they would gang up and go to work on him with a pair of pliers and a blowtorch.

Addendum.

Wayne also liked to partially suck mints, spit them out, and dip them in chocolate. These were his pointless ex-spearmints.
(powervator and NONE SHALL PASS, Thu 24 Jul 2008, 15:06, 3 replies)

Thats both a sweet story
and truly god-awful pun.

So you can have a click.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 24 Jul 2008, 15:19, closed)

*click* :D
You could be the B3tan Bill Oddie.
(ladyflash Formally known as "oshi_", Thu 24 Jul 2008, 15:40, closed)

Click!
Good for you, sir - I don't know why, but it really upsets me when people mistreat small animals.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 24 Jul 2008, 17:49, closed)