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This is a question Pointless Experiments

Pavlov's Frog writes: I once spent 20 minutes with my eyes closed to see what it was like being blind. I smashed my knee on the kitchen cupboard, and decided I'd be better off deaf as you can still watch television.

(, Thu 24 Jul 2008, 12:00)
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This question is now closed.

Will it be something funny?
Or will next week's QOTW be:

"Isn't Scotch Tape brilliant? Send us your amusing stories involving any kind adhesive tape."

Let the experiment commence...
(, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 15:04, 9 replies)
My Pointless Experiment
... is to answer the QotW from 2 months ago.

No, wait, that's not right is it?
(, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 15:03, Reply)
ah shit.

Almost an entire week late.
(, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 15:03, 1 reply)
Will me getting up from my desk and making a cup of tea cause the QOTW to change?
Hypothesis: yes because it's a bastard like that.
(, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 15:03, 5 replies)
(, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 15:01, Reply)
I think the QOTW setters
may be experimenting to see how long they can make us wait.
(, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 15:01, Reply)
It makes you go blind
I decided to test out the old wives tale that wanking makes you go blind.

After several years of pretty much daily experimentation, I now find that I require a -6 prescription in both eyes.

I have not managed to prove a causal link yet, so I shall carry on and record my results.
(, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 15:00, Reply)
You lot...
Honestly, every week we see the same thing by the same people, all saying "Last?" in the hope of winning.

Ah well, if you can't beat 'em, join em!

(, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 15:00, Reply)
yes! last!
(, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 14:59, Reply)
It's not very scientific
I was experimenting how many times I could say "shoplifters" instead of shopfitters before my boss started saying it.

Result: 9 times over two days.
(, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 14:59, 2 replies)
No, I'm last!

EDIT: arse.
(, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 14:58, 1 reply)
Sort it aht, b3ta!
I've got a responsible job now - I can't be checking every ten seconds whether there's a new topic.

Oh, I already am...
(, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 14:57, Reply)
We can all experiment with that.
(, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 14:56, Reply)
Checkpoint Charlie
Got an "Army suit" for my 5th birthday, a plastic helmet and a plastic rifle that fired plastic bullets. Experiment was to see just how realistic the get up was by pretending to be a real soldier.

Stood in middle of road outside my house with my hand up. Stopped the first car that came along and asked to see the guy's licence. He did, I looked at it, handed it back and waved him on, experiment successful!

Job done, I went inside for an ice lolly. Probably would have taken the f&cker out with a quick volley to the back windscreen if he hadn't stopped.

(Oh and last)
EDIT: bugger
(, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 14:56, 2 replies)
As does not take into account fiendish female B3tans.
(, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 14:52, 1 reply)
Sorry Pooflake
Your experiment has failed.

My pointless experiment is to see how many times you will attempt to get the last post
(, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 14:52, 1 reply)
It’s about that time…

*Dons lab coat*

*Puts on girly safety goggles for girls, girlishly, like a girl*

*Rolls up sleeves*

*Adjusts pocket protector*

*Makes final calculations to ‘Experiment to put in the last post of the QOTW’ plan*

*Tests wind*


(, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 14:49, 1 reply)
You know when times are tough at university?
I.e. when there's cock-all in the pantry, no money in the wallet, and no food in your stomach? This sort of desperation is what drives people to serious experimentation in the kitchen. Due to the general level of famine in our flat, some of these creations were born:

- A baked-bean omlette (I figured hey, you can make one out of potatoes right? This was pretty tasty actually.)

- Corned beef chili (Mostly a can of corned beef, a can of tomatoes, an onion and a shedload of chili powder. Fiery!)

- Bolognese burgers (Essentially the leftover sauce from the day befores dinner with an egg and some flour thrown in. This is apparently not enough to hold it together. Sigh.)

- Espresso-machine noodles (See my last QOTW post for the gory details.)

I like to think I'm a pioneer in the food arts. Other people like to think I'm a daft twunt who's going to poison himself one of these days.
(, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 14:46, 2 replies)
Another classroom experiment
All the TVs in the school were the same brand - Ferguson or something. One kiddy had a spare remote at home and kept it at school for those edifying occasions where the teacher would plonk us in front of some educationalist programme.
The rules were:
1. A different perpetrator had the remote each time, to be stuffed up inside the tie
2. Continuous alteration of the picture/sound in some way must occur from the start of the programme.
3. Game only finishes when you are caught or teacher becomes so exasperated the set goes off.

After a while they all got wise to it, but you'd think they'd tell the supply teachers as well wouldn't you?
Does that mean the permanent teachers like to fuck about the supply teachers as well?
(, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 14:35, 5 replies)
Lyrical Experimentation?
As a good Catholic youngster in dirty aul Dublin town, we were made to sing in the choir lest our souls should go to the devil. We learned one latin song which went thus:

Ecce Panis Angelorum
Factus Cibus Viatorum
Vere Panis Filiorum
Non Mittendus Canibus

Whilst to this day I can remember it word for word, I have never known what it means. However, what it signified was an opportunity for 40 or so 11-12 year old boys to sing the following obscenities en masse in church to the oblivious ears of a devout congregation;

Itchy Penis Angelorum
Fucktus Cibus Geeatorum
Very Penis Filiorum
Non Mittendus Cannibus

Stiches? Yes
Tears? Yes
Salvation? P'raps not.

(, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 14:21, 8 replies)
I have just been cut off from B3ta by my work's Proxy...AGAIN!

I have been using the mesmerising genius of Axai.net to pump my shit past the proxy to great effect...

Until today.

But then I remembered Frankspencer mentioning something about


So I experimented with that.

(see what I did there?...making this post to relevant to the QOTW)...

and it worked!

Woo, and quite indubitably, a well rounded yay into the bargain.
(, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 14:21, 4 replies)
Johab's Experiments
Age 2:
Q: What happens if I put my pyjamas down the loo and flush?
A: They disappear, I am left naked, proudly proclaiming to my mother "All gone!"

Age 3:
Q: Seeing as I have a headache, and my mother gives me a junior aspirin, surely the correct approach is to stick it up my nose to get to my brain?
A: No, it is a quick way for mother to drive me to casualty

Age 4:
Q: What happens if I pull this red thing whilst standing on my father's shoulders?
A: The hotel alarm rings incessantly, no-one can turn it off, 1000 people leave the large hotel, and six bright shiny red mahoosive Canadian fire engines turn up.

Age 5:
Q: Do cars roll downhill when their engines aren't on, just like bicycles?
A: Yes they bloody do, as I found out after taking dad's car out of "Park" whilst staying with his friends in the Rocky Mountains. They found me crawling out of it as I had rolled it 100 yards down a hill and into a ditch, fucking it royally.
(, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 14:20, 3 replies)
When my brother got his own place
he turned from the messiest sod on the planet to the most houseproud overnight.

I swear that he checks his pictures with a spirit level.

My little experiment was "how many times can I knock a picture slightly askew on the way out before he figures out it's me?"

Answer: 9

He never figured it out though - he caught me at it and threw a very girly little tantrum.
(, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 14:20, Reply)
Whilst under the Influence
of alcohol and or other substances I have tried the following experiments.

1) Jumped off Blackpool sea wall - I fell 25 foot and broke my ankle - BAD TIMES

2) Chopped a Mole in half with a Javelin I nicked from a sports pavillion. - IT DIED

3) Tried to push a 6 note ditty out of my 70's tea towel holder in an Indian restaurant. - FOLLOWED THROUGH

4) Put my mates daughters Furby ine the Microwave on Xmas day - ITS HEAD GLOWED AND IT STOPPED TALKING.

5) Left the cat under the washing basket in the kitchen whilst we went to the pub. - SEEING A MOVING WASHING BASKET SKATE ROUND LINO IS FUCKING SUPERB.

And others.

I need to grow up, and stop these ridiculous experiments, however tonight I am shagging my cousin. Back tomorrow for an update.
(, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 14:06, 1 reply)
Classroom experiment
Always a classic with supply teachers - someone in the class would cough "bollocks" into their fist, and then a short time later someone else would cough "bollocks" a bit louder, and so on and so forth until the teacher finally cottoned on and issued, ahem, a bollocking. The penultimate bollock-cougher was the winner.

We tried it with "motherfucker" but that had a much quicker catch rate.
(, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 13:55, 3 replies)
[Parapsychology] Am I psychic?
I seem to have developed the habit of writing a post just as the QOTW closes. Hopefully, the QOTW would have closed by the time I've written this.

Conclusion: I'm not psychic, but at least I've got the last post. EDIT: no I haven't.


(, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 13:46, 1 reply)
Police Tape
Friends Dad had a reel of that white and blue "Do not Cross - Police Line" tape.

Not sure why or how…that doesn’t matter... What did matter was cycling around on BMX’s (we were 11) down random roads and sectioning empty drive ways and house perimeters.

Once hidden from view we would wait for the trauma to unfold on the returning occupants of said properties.

Pointless experiment because we were always caught… Being 11 years old, well probably not too clever at concealing the tape or laughter...
(, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 13:39, Reply)

This question is now closed.

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