Lemsip vs Whiskey
Which is better for combating the common cold; Lemsip or a bottle of Famous Grouse?

I don't do "ill". I'm rarely if ever under the weather, possessing a very good immune system and an enviable metabolism. However, on occasion when I do fall victim to any kind of viral malaise, I tend to be well and truly knocked for six.

"I'b godda [sniff] fuggin cold! Atchoo!" I complained, noting the fact that the medicine cabinet was lacking any kind of flu powders.

"Don't bother with Lempsip mate" replied Phil, my then housemate, "What you need is a bottle of cheap, slugging scotch and ginger wine".

"Thad soundbs a fuggin [snuffle] goob idea".

So instead of my usual Friday night aperitif of beer, I dragged myself to the local offy.

Method

"A boddle of [sniff] scodch and some gingeb wine pleade"

Now, the plan was to increase the alcohol level of my bloodstream to such a point that any invading bacteria or virii would be instantly embalmed. Could such a radical idea work?

To find out, I obtained a medium sized tall glass and poured equal measures of Famous Grouse and Stones Ginger Wine, with a twist of lemon and honey for good measure.

The resulting mixture was scarcely palatable, being somewhat bitter-sweet with an overpowering taste of ginger. I held my nose and drank it anyway, convincing myself I felt better after draining the glass.

So I repeated the dose, substituting the ginger wine for more whisky.

What happened next was utterly beyond my frame of previous experience. I had some very vivid dreams and felt myself sweating and shaking like Gordon Brown during a confidence vote. The blackness of sleep beckoned once again and I found myself falling into a dark pit, tormented by utterly outrageous dreams.

Eight hours later I'm awakened by gentle purring and the tap of a cold, damp nose on my cheek. I correctly guessed that my cat, Leonard had paid me a visit to check on my welfare. However, I appear to be lying on my back, fully clothed except for one missing sock. My head is the subject of a bizarre temporal anomaly and exists in a time roughly two seconds distant from the rest of my body. I plan to write to Professor Stephen Hawking for an explanation for that particular phenomena.

As I try and move, I feel like my body is floating in liquid. I really don't feel well, for I appear to have provoked the mother and father of all hangovers.

Fucking hell...

It was a further six hours before the giddiness subsided. It was then that I realised that I had no sign whatsoever of a cold.

I also realised that nuking this cold had cost me a grand total of £23.74, the cost including the Scotch, the ginger wine, two lemons, some honey and finally some backup Lemsip just in case.

Conclusion

1) The resulting hangover was far worse than the cold itself.

2) Cats don't make satisfactory alarm clocks as they lack the required "snooze" button.

3) In terms of cost benefit, I could have purchased 7.667 boxes of Lemsip instead. Or five boxes of Lemsip and a tub of multivitamins.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Fri 25 Jul 2008, 10:45, 5 replies)

Ahh
Didn't read this little cookie before I posted. If I'd heard of this I'd probably have tried it in desperation.

Me, I went for straight doubles of the stronger whiskeys. Very costly and failed miserably :(
(Mmm Zebalicious is wondering..., Fri 25 Jul 2008, 11:38, closed)

Click!
Seems like a worthy experiment. Well Done.
( DUMBLONDE is a rubber lover girl, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 11:45, closed)

Cats do have a snooze button
It's either just behind the ears or at the base of the tail. Only thing is it needs vigorously scratching for a constant hour or 2 to activate it.
(tinypod will never learn. Ever., Fri 25 Jul 2008, 13:00, closed)

Brilliant!

In honour of this post I intend to drink lots of alcohol tonight...

I don't have a cold or anything but...

And please let me know what Stephen Hawking says...that feeling has happened to me a couple of times.

*clicks*
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Fri 25 Jul 2008, 18:29, closed)

Bless your cotton sock
Eloquently told, as usual.
May I recommend my own trustworthy remedy - the Power Toddy Panacea.

Take one large mug; fill with 2/3 Lemsip max strengh, add honey & freshly squeezed lemon juice then TOP UP with Jack Daniel's :o)
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Mon 28 Jul 2008, 10:44, closed)