FailedOn my third driving test, I turned right out of the test centre, reached a pedestrian crossing, attempted to run over a little old lady, was prevented from doing so by the examiner grabbing the wheel, then proceeded straight back to the test centre.
The drive home was very, very quiet. I've never felt such a complete failure.
What have you failed at?
(
chthonic, Fri 5 Jan 2007, 10:21)
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Failure countsI’ve been a massive and constant failure all my life:- On my first driving test I failed to check over my shoulder going onto a busy duel carriageway. On my second I failed to spot the red light. On my third I failed to come off the roundabout for three whole revolutions but the guy still let me pass saying I was nervous… I wasn’t nervous… I was UTTER SHIT. He’d failed also to notice I had a pronounced squint and am basically blind in one eye… I am really good at crashes though, I’m a real success at nearly killing myself.
I’m also a failure at jobs… I have failed to stay awake in a callcentre in my youth while talking to customers.. I’d just started talking dreamlike jibberish until they shouted at me and woke me up (quite rude of them really). I once failed to mention any truth of any kind at all my CV (I got fired).. I once failed to correctly judge the strength of a plate glass display cabinet as I was jumping over it to run over to some stairs, in a vain attempt to see up a girls skirt, which I failed to see up (I got fired but that was alright cause the fuckwit manager replaced it with cheap glass and got sued when a customer foolishly leant on it). I failed not to send e-mails admitting a sickie due to an evening of class A entertainment to my friend (whom was promptly investigated for sending a message ‘reply to all’ while calling the customer ‘syphilitic imbecile’) - We both got fired then!
I failed to get a 2/1 degree by half a percent but they wouldn’t give me the viva meeting to test me cause I’d failed first and second year exams due to successfully learning what alcohol is in my first year.
I mostly fail with beautiful women.. this whole thing about humour and wit pulling your half of the species is bunkum and utter bollocks to boot. Half my mates are girls… mostly really fit ones… ones I have failed for years to shag and merrily succeeded at pointlessly buying them dinner and becoming their personal therapist.
Still… I’ve got a fucking good job and a nice car… you only learn in life from fucking up constantly until you get it right… God loves a trier… shame fit women don’t! Now where’s that book on how to pull women I bought?
(, Wed 10 Jan 2007, 20:20, Reply)
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