Psssst!
Wanna know a secret? Davros’ Granddad doesn’t really exist. He’s an artificial character. Yes, really.

‘But we’ve met you’, I hear some of you cry. Well, yes. But only technically.

The real DG is, in fact, a 13 year old boy, who spends most nights in an alcohol-induced, masturbatory-assisted stupor, dreaming up endless tales of Daleks and ex- wives and scuba diving shenanigans. These are all fabricated from my adolescent mind and poured onto b3ta through my keyboard. In reality I know nothing of these things. Well, maybe a little about Daleks ‘cos they’re always on the telly. But ex-wives and scuba diving? I’m 13, and too young to have experienced them. I’ve made it all up, using old episodes of Eastenders and Jacques Cousteau as a template. The rest is all embellishment. Tourette’s is actually my carer.

The DG that some of you have met? He’s an actor, (my half mad uncle, actually) and does it as a favour – anything to be away from my aunt and their hideous kids. He resembles something of how I would like to be perceived in the real world, and does the flappy coat thing just right. It’s kind of handy having a sort of stunt double that you can send to b3ta bashes (I’m a particularly young looking 13, and would never get served in a pub). He fills me in on the details when he gets back – it’s like I was there myself.

This could get confusing. It’s like different realities are piling up on one another.

I need another drink.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 11 Jul 2008, 12:44, 7 replies)

I knew it!

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 11 Jul 2008, 12:48, closed)

Don't worry
it's all the fault of the time rift in the Medusa Cascade.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 11 Jul 2008, 13:33, closed)

I hear you DG...

I myself am a 12 year old girl...

who likes 'older men'...

*winks*
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Fri 11 Jul 2008, 13:50, closed)

Hello all
I'm really the mad half uncle that plays Davros at the bashes.
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Fri 11 Jul 2008, 17:35, closed)

My life
has just come crashing down around me...i cant go on
(Wandering Nomad still wandering on, Fri 11 Jul 2008, 18:30, closed)

It's all true
I take good care of him
I make soft-boiled chucky-eggs 'n' soldiers in his special dalek egg cup.
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Sun 13 Jul 2008, 19:30, closed)

ooh ooh ooh!
miss, can I have a dalek egg cup too? please miss? miss? with an egg in it and toasty soldiers miss?
( Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Mon 14 Jul 2008, 20:15, closed)