It's a familiar tale...
A colleague becomes pregnant and takes themselves away for a year. You wish them well, sign their card and send them on their way. The company intranet soon announces the birth of a child, informs you of the name and weight and offers congratulations. So far all is heartfelt and genuine.

Then they turn up one afternoon, sprog in tow, and people gather to coo and brood over the new arrival. That's fine, it's not for everyone, but each to their own.

Then they stop by to see you. You worked closely, got on well, may even have socialised outside of the office, so you're quite happy to say hello. So you talk to them. You don't have any interest in the child, but you're happy to talk to them.

But the faking always happens:

"So, uh, is it sleeping well?

"Sorry, she. Is she sleeping well?"

"All through through the night, hey, fascinating!"

"No, I have a cold, so shouldn't really hold it, her, sorry, I shouldn't hold her." *cough, etc...*

Then there are the those situations, you know the ones: you peer towards the child and you prepare the standard "Awww, she's beautiful". However, as your eyes move pramwards and the words gather on the tip of your tongue you find yourself face to face with Sloth from the Goonies, and it's all you can do not to turn and run, screaming all the while as you leave the building via the nearest window... "Awww" you lie, "she's really something that one. Is that the time? I have a meeting with the CEO, the MD and the Finance Director." Then walk away as quickly as possible without breaking into an obvious run.
( Moey, Sat 12 Jul 2008, 11:12, 3 replies)

i hate that
i openly say to these people 'i'm not interested in it unless it can do something good'. people i actually like tend to take it in the spirit it is intended.
( deshnoodle agonising over sig files since 1995, Sat 12 Jul 2008, 11:16, closed)

Jesus
That strikes such a chord with me. And the worst bit is that because i'm a woman, I *must* love babies and want to hold them. They scare the living shite out of me, and I absolutely can't bear to be anywhere near them until they hit about 5.

*shudders*
( Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Sat 12 Jul 2008, 18:25, closed)

Oh yes.
Still, it does mean that every time they come into the lobby and the kid starts crying some wag can pipe up with: "CEO's kicked his teddy out of the pram again".

Nearly as bad as having to coo over the sprog.
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Wed 16 Jul 2008, 16:42, closed)