Faking as an art form
Ever since I was little I have taken 'faking' to the highest levels. Let's see:

Dossier 10292 of subject X
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- Age 9. Convinced my brother who was 6 at the time that taxis were evil policemen. Ran away screaming at the top of my lungs waving my hands in the air whenever one appeared. Younger brother as a result highly paranoid and given to panic attacks at the site of taxis (and police vehicles).

- Age 9. Completely faked being excited at Christmas despite already knowing the contents of every single item having found the hiding location months before. Memborable quote upon being given a toy which I had played with in secret for many months: "Wow Awesome! Thank you! I've wanted this for ages!"

- Age 10. Started a gardening business. Worked extremely short hours, and paid for junk food out of my mother's purse. Acted as if food was coming from proceeds of business.

- Age 10. Overcome with remorse at being so hard-hearted tried to work diligently to pay it off. Ended up spending long billable hours in front of the TV at the people's houses I was supposed to be gardening at. Did little bits of gardening during ad breaks - not really faking but close enough.

- Ages 11-15. Faked not being on the computer late in the night and early in the morning playing games by running back to bedroom. Faked not eating ice cream by digging holes in it and layering back over the top. Incredible amounts of deception and lying.

- Age 16. Faked not masturbating. Memorable quote: "What's masturbating? That's definitely not what I was doing!" Parents didn't buy it...

- Age 16. Faked being able to do websites. Learned on most jobs.

- Age 18 - 21. Faked university study. Cheated on most exams due to laziness.

- Present. Fakes having girlfriend. Hides hair loss. Fakes income tax...

Length? Fully extendable and retractable to fit most love nests.
(satellite blows, Sun 13 Jul 2008, 1:14, 1 reply)

I would like to know
how you cheated on your exams.
(Purple Jessop Jessoping Purple all over your father, Mon 14 Jul 2008, 13:55, closed)