Golden Arches and Coulrophobia
Famous People I hate? Instead of giving you a list of people which are already on here 1,000 times I’ll do something different and take you back to the late 80’s when a wee me was only interested in one famous person… Ronald McDonald.

As it was swingin’ 1989 my sister was very much into Jason Donovan and Kylie, I was still a little too young to care, my thoughts were more linked to my stomach, specifically the mascot of the best place to eat in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD! We were never really taken to Maccy D’s when we were little, my mother didn’t really approve of fast food, so my only chance to go would be if one of my lucky friends had a birthday party there. Well one wonderful weekend I received an invitation for a McParty and my heart did somersaults, not only was I going to be able to get a Happy Meal but I was also going to be able to meet Ronald Mc-Bloody-Donald!

Restless nights lead up to the party and finally when the big day arrived I was giddy with sheer unadulterated excitement. My mum dropped me off in my little frock and I tentatively placed my foot over the threshold of the Golden Arches… I… was… in. Much screaming and merriment ensued and once we had all suitably stuffed our faces with burgers and cake we were racing around burning off the energy playing hide and seek. Madly giggling with the birthday girl we had discovered a perfect hiding place underneath a table and awaiting being found… all of a sudden a big pair of yellow gloves appeared and pulled me out from under the table. I was lifted up, past the stripy socks, past the yellow suit to… the scariest face I had ever seen in my life! I recoiled instantly, bringing my hands up to my face. This wasn’t right, he wasn’t the jolly, small Ronald McDonald I knew from the cartoon pictures on my Happy Meal box, this was a big man with blood red lips and yellow teeth, right in my face - he was horrifying. I screamed and struggled as he guffawed and chucked ‘found you, found you’ and waved his arms in my face, he smelt of stale cigarettes and sweat, this was not my beloved Ronald. I looked over for help but the mums were busying themselves chatting and eating the remaining cake, they couldn’t give a crap that they had left the kids with this… monster. He started bouncing me up and down asking where the birthday girl was and I knew at that moment I was either going to cry or lash out, I chose the latter. I squeaked ‘put me down’ but he didn’t seem to hear or care, so I did the only other thing I could think of and kicked him.

As a child you don’t know much about testicles but now I’m older and I like to think a little wiser, I can categorically say that I’m 100% sure I kicked him square in his McNuggets. He dropped to the floor and exhaled painfully and I darted across the restaurant like a demented squirrel to the mums. ‘I don’t like it, I don’t like it’ I howled and pointed at poor Ronald who was now attempting to compose himself for the other children. He staggered over and tried to find out what was the matter with me, but it was too late, the damage had been done. I was petrified and only wanted to go home. My mum was called and I was taken early and I’ve never felt the same way about clowns as I did before that day.

Damn you Ronald McDonald, you are entirely responsible my crippling fear of clowns, you ruddy plum. P.S I'm sorry I kicked you in your 'special parts'.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 5 Feb 2010, 13:54, 16 replies)

Pfffft... awesome!

( jim_bob can herd cats., Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:07, closed)

Ta muchly
*bows*
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:12, closed)

Oh really?
Click this.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:12, closed)

You're evil!
Could you make it smaller please, its giving me the willies. *fears*
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:13, closed)

Heheheheheh.
I made it a link instead so people can see what we were referring to...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:16, closed)

That you
That's just grim, he had eyes that burrowed into my soul.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:18, closed)

Evil lemur eyes.
My son showed me that picture a while back when he sent it to a friend of his who has the clown phobia. The friend didn't beat him to a pulp, amazingly...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:26, closed)

Indeed
Its not so much pictures that are the problem its more the real life meetings that are scary, I could never go to the circus! *shudders*
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:32, closed)

I've known a few people with that fear.
I don't mind clowns when seen at a distance. It's the ones that get up close and personal with you that I can understand being really scary.

Like this one.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:39, closed)

"Caution: Adult Content - this website is restricted"
Note to self: never click b3ta links at work...
( TheMagicDwarf is back like ballroom dancing, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:51, closed)

It is?
Sorry- I'm at home, and there's nothing terribly explicit on that page. I didn't know it would get firewalled.

EDIT: Oh, I see now. He's added stuff to the site that's a couple of levels down that wasn't there a couple of years ago. Again, sorry about that.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:53, closed)

Do'h!

(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:57, closed)

McBrilliant
The post is worthy of many a click, but as I can give only one, it shall be for the phrase "square in his McNuggets". Genius, m'lady.
( TheMagicDwarf is back like ballroom dancing, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:28, closed)

Hur hur
You said 'give it one'.

Thank you! :)
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:31, closed)

You are the Hamburgler AICMFP

( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:47, closed)

Blast you weren’t supposed to see through my cunning disguise
*throws a filet-o-fish*

*runs*
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:56, closed)

You're only throwing that
because no one, in the history of the world, has ever ordered one.
(The Kwyjibo A big, dumb, balding North American ape., Fri 5 Feb 2010, 15:51, closed)

But of course
it’s the perfect repellent to further accusations!

Also, it has been ordered before, by fat birds as its apparently got the lowest calorie count of anything in Maccy D's!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 5 Feb 2010, 16:16, closed)

I thought the thing with the least calories
Were the puss riddled flakes as some podgy, greasy, spotty, forrin person scratches their face over your fries. No?
(The Kwyjibo A big, dumb, balding North American ape., Fri 5 Feb 2010, 17:04, closed)

I'm not sure?
Some funding may need to be put into this research, only then will we have the real answer!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 5 Feb 2010, 17:11, closed)

*Kurleeeeeeeeeeeeek*

( Peej, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 15:39, closed)

Taaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
:)
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 5 Feb 2010, 15:41, closed)

Vividly described...
...and grandly entertaining.

Cheers for that

*click*
(Rotimer was micturating windward at, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 17:26, closed)

Cheers for the clickage! :D

(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 5 Feb 2010, 17:37, closed)

You've won a click
And I can't help but wonder what would make a grown man cry most, would it be a swift boot in the knackers by a young Flam or a bite of a 'fresh out the flames' McDonalds Apple pie.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 18:22, closed)

Why thank you!
Probably the kick
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 8 Feb 2010, 17:16, closed)

I like this
and have clicked the link which allows us to express this appreciation internetly.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Sat 6 Feb 2010, 7:05, closed)

How nice
Thank you muchly! :)
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 8 Feb 2010, 17:16, closed)