Just time to slip in a rant about Strictly
I'll be interested to see if anyone cares enough to respond, to be honest

These are the people to blame for ruining Strictly Come Dancing. And who I think should replace them. And what should happen to the culprits (clue: they die)

Bruce Forsyth - you can tell me he's an entertainment legend all you like, the man is borderline senile and his jokes are worse than mine down the pub on a Friday night. Part of me hopes he'll actually soil himself mid-broadcast, but to make the programme entertaining again it needs Frankie Boyle to take over as host. Imagine how he would've treated John Sergeant. "Well John, that was shite and you look like a cunt in sequins".

Tess Daly - any woman stupid enough to unleash Vernon Kay's offspring upon the world has something a bit sinister about her, especially when she could obviously do so much better. And she's not good with the whole human emotion thing. She must be a cyborg. Give the job to Claudia, when she had a crack at it last series she kicked Daly's arse all the way around the block and pissed on it when it got back, looking tired and ragged and generally a bit unkempt

Len fucking Goodman - head judge? I assume that's a reference to what he was prepared to give in order to get the job. At some point in series 4 he stopped caring about, y'know, judging and started playing a character more. Coupled with the obvious onset of Alzheimers he's just talking complete bollocks now. Get shot of him before he forgets who he is live on air.

Alesha Dixon - hardly seems worth the effort sticking the boot in here but honestly, trying to sex up the judging panel with Alesha Dixon?! Either get someone who's in a position to judge or someone who's actually halfway decent to look at! Fucking Council Estate Barbie. Bring in Statler and Waldorf to replace her and Goodman. They'll talk just as much sense and god knows the show could do with some laughs

Whoever thought a programme with the words "Strictly" and "Dancing" in the title needed a fucking Salsa. It's not a dance! It's a fucking condiment!

The producers, for continually bringing in contestants that they know will be shit, but who will divide public opinion and boost ratings. John Sergeant. Kate Garraway. Kenny Logan. These people are all useless cunts. Chris Hollins wasn't much better and he won because the British public are clueless morons. The BBC could save us all a lot of time by parading the "celebrities" (that reminds me, can we have some famous people next series please?) in the first show, getting people to vote based on who they like the look of, and then have 12 weeks of professional, y'know, DANCING as opposed to the shite that Hollins was trotting out each week. They should rename it Whatever Come Bullshit (and it helps if you work for the BBC - we'll rig the voting for you if you do. Tom Chambers)

All of the above should be chloroformed, abducted, dressed up in elaborate fox costumes and dropped into a field somewhere in Derbyshire (I know this detail is cruel but hey, I'm a bastard). They will be woken by the sound of horns and barking dogs. The fox-hunting toffs get to relive the glory days and we all get vindication. Hilarious, bloodthirsty vindication. The Beeb could even broadcast it live. We'd watch Tess Daly get torn limb from limb whilst dressed as a fox with a live feed in the corner of the screen of Vernon Kay's stupid distraught face, wouldn't we? Of course we would. And when it proves a hit we're one step closer to the logical conclusion of all the celebrity-obsessed reality TV - Celebrity Running Man.

Click "I like this" if you've read this far, because let's be honest, you might as fucking well
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 11 Feb 2010, 8:58, 6 replies)

Or alternatively, don't watch it because it's absolutely shit.
Shit concept, shit "celebrities", shit theme tune.

Needs moar Katie Price.
(TheColonel, Thu 11 Feb 2010, 10:23, closed)

Oh come on
The theme tune's class
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 11 Feb 2010, 10:29, closed)

It's catchy, I'll give you that much.
It's been stuck in my head the 34 mins since I posted that
(TheColonel, Thu 11 Feb 2010, 10:57, closed)

Mine too
OHMYGODWHATIFWE'RETHESAMEPERSON
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 11 Feb 2010, 11:03, closed)

Stay calm. It might not be such a bad thing after all.

(TheColonel, Thu 11 Feb 2010, 12:17, closed)

That probably depends
on where you live. If I'm sharing an entity with a sheep-shagger I shall be most put out
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 11 Feb 2010, 13:10, closed)