Not mine, but contains classic quote
Years ago I went to a wedding, invited by a guy I was at Uni with. He was the best man and the reason he asked me was he needed someone to "babysit" the groom's sister.

Apparently this woman hadn't spoken to her brother for years, but in the interests of family togetherness she'd been invited to the wedding.

It didn't go well. The sister was quite obviously a loon: scarred wrists, vibrated like a tuning fork, smoked like a chimney. Charm didn't work, so I just kept distracting her with drink.

Bad idea. After more white wine than you'd think someone who weighed six stone could swallow and live, she started telling me things.

Things like: she'd always fancied her brother. Things like: they'd married in secret in South Africa (WTF?) Things like: he'd raped her when she was 11. (Which would have been something, as she was 6 years older)

By this time I was dripping with cold sweat. I caught the senior bridesmaid's eye and mouthed "Help!".

We got her out, just before she proceeded to chuck up all the wine. There was then a long tearful rant, followed by more hurling, and then she passed out.

The following week I got a letter from the groom. After the thanks for keeping her quiet, and the apology for putting me through it, came the classic line: "What you have to remember is that (X) is madder than a meerkat with a snake up its cunt".

I have never ever dared use that line.

Apologies for length.
(all my scars face forward possesses 2.5% of a hyperalloy combat chassis, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 20:11, 3 replies)

clicky
for the quote - I AM going to use it at some point. It's a new life goal.
(Mummy V, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 21:21, closed)

Simples
Thanks for that line, I shall endeavour to use it as soon as possible.
(ceeej, Fri 13 Nov 2009, 8:38, closed)

He he
I liked "vibrated like a tuning fork". I have definitely met women like that.
(Rsoles, Fri 13 Nov 2009, 12:42, closed)