My father's family's fitful fueding was a fundamental feature of my flowering youth
However in this case it was all my ex-wife's (then girlfriend) fault.

Understandably I didn't see much of my father's extended family after my parents divorce. One of his brothers was a fantastic uncle - always fun to be around. Funny guy, could tell a great story and always the life of a party.

By the time I was in my twenties I hadn't seen him in ten years at least. A cousin I'd kept in contact with let me know that there was a big birthday bash happening for my aunt and I decided to attend, and take my missus along.

They lived a couple of hour's drive away, so we carpooled down with my cousin and her fella. It's important to note here that both said uncle and girlfriend were big drinkers. The more he drank the funnier he became. She just got loopier. She did have her good points - two in fact. She looked like a living barbie doll - blonde, maybe 50kg and tits you could loose yourself in.

Our mistake was to turn up at dusk. By this stage the party had been in full swing since lunchtime and most people, including my uncle, were well lubricated. Things didn't get off to an auspicious start when I introduced the ex to a clearly impressed uncle. He gave me a bear hug and her a motorboating before knocking the froth off another tinnie.

I spent the next few hours trying to reassure the poor girl that he was always this friendly while we both set about making a sizable dent in the free booze he had provided. He'd even conjured up a Spanish exchange student to man the kitchen and dish out the drinks. Nice young guy, which probably why my uncle's 15 year old daughter and all her mates were hanging around too and flirting in that way that only 15 year olds can do - badly.

At some point my wife-to-be decided that some or all of these vixens wanted my - clearly pissed - body. She retaliated by starting a fight. I'd retreated to the front lawn for a tactical vomit but we were soon asked to leave.

The saddest part of this story wasn't the fact that the next day I had to clean yet more of my vomit from my cousin's car, but that I never saw that uncle again while I continued in a relationship with that girl. She even refused to have him to our wedding.
( Udderbelly A tale of four titties, Fri 13 Nov 2009, 11:36, Reply)