My family
are normal. We're not a close knit family, myself and my 4 (used to be 5) elder brothers, but we're all on speaking terms. We don't have get togethers or anything. We all visit our parents regularly, and occasionally we see each other there but on the whole we're not at each other's houses all the time. The eldest helped me fit my kitchen and tile my bathroom, I help him with computer problems. Everything's tickety-boo.

Mrs SLVA's family however is a different matter. Seeing as she's not interested in opening an account on here, it leaves it up to me to give you an idea of what a dysfunctional group they are.

She's the youngest of eight, and there's a sizeable age gap between her and the rest of them. They were all a bit iffy anyway and petty squabbles were common, but when my mother / father -in-law passed away 11 / 16 years ago respectively, the family have never congregated in the same place since; as predicted by Mrs SLVA shortly beforehand. In fact, if one of them dies, we doubt they'd all turn up to the funeral.

As is a common cause of family feuds, money was involved. In the late 70s one of them, we'll call Christine, won the football pools. Quite a big win by all accounts, but they never let on how much and shortly afterwards they set up a successful business. One sister was like a cojoined twin afterwards, and her spouse was given a job, along with a younger brother. Christine and family perceived themselves as being superior to the rest of the family, with their big new-build (and frankly quite gaudy) house and flash cars, which as you can imagine caused a bit of tension to say the least as they seemed to revel in rubbing everyone's nose in it.

By the time I came along in 1990, I could smell nouveau riche a mile off and I was having none of this. As I can be utterly tactless when the situation calls for it, she was not best part pleased when I commented on her 'Old Country Roses' Royal Doulton tea-service as being chintzy and somewhat tacky. I wouldn't be surprised if she bought it solely to show off, because frankly it's a hideous design.

Then there was Mrs SLVA's grandad's war medals from WW1 (Gallipoli service medal and a few others), which he'd promised my eldest brother-in-law when he was a small child. When my father-in-law passed away, (who'd been custodian) they ended up in Christine's hands.

Shortly afterwards, my mother-in-law moved into a bungalow, and not surprisingly, some of her stuff 'went missing' in the move. A very old tea-set that she got as wedding present, and some really old hand-carved nest of tables from France.

Christine and husband retired from the business and their half was bought by the business partner, causing a ruck with her eldest son who thought he would be getting it. Afterwards, the cojoined twin of a sister and her husband set up a similar business. Not a rival becaue it was a good 40 miles away so the customer base wouldn't overlap. But they don't speak anymore regardless.

Then there are two brother-in-laws who happen to have the same first initial. The younger brother bought a big plasma TV from Comet, but it was delivered to the wrong house, probably because Comet lost the details and looked in the phonebook. So he phoned his brother up and said there's a big telly here, when you picking it up? The younger brother shows up, kicking off and accusing him of trying keep it for himself. So that's another couple that aren't talking.

The only ones we keep in touch with are the two eldest. The one who received the plasma TV (Terry) and his older sister Sheila. Though, not surprisingly they don't speak either for some reason. They are genuinely nice people, just not to each other. Terry's wife has a genetic kidney disorder and was on dialysis a good few times a week, and Terry said he'd donate her a kidney. Miraculously, it was a perfect match, and they were most grateful with the concern we showed them, unlike the rest of the family who couldn't care less.

Earlier this year, Sheila's husband was found to have lung cancer and has had 3/4 of a lung removed. He's still in hospital after 4 months. Again, we were the only ones that made the effort to help out.

We have no time for the rest of the family. Their attitude to each other is not worth us getting dragged into as we'd be getting everyone's side of the stories and be expected to take sides, and be labelled turncoats if we didn't.

It's like a fucking soap opera. A rather shit, far-fetched one too.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 18 Nov 2009, 10:31, Reply)