one night stunned
a few years ago, my friend lisa went skiing with her parents. they are lovely people, but on another planet most of the time. her father is a scientist, fantastically bright, no common sense whatsoever. and her mother just has no sense whatsoever. this is a woman who once famously packed her daughter off to school to make a cheesecake in home ec. with gouda.

so, on the night they went away, lisa arrived home from london. she was in her room taking out of her suitcase the stuff she didn't need for the holiday. holding her rampant rabbit in her hand, she turned around, looking for somewhere to hide it. just then her mother walked in. lisa panicked and dropped the rabbit.

"lisa!" her mother said in horror. "is that a -a - a DILDO?"

"no!" lisa said, kicking it furiously under the bed. all she managed to do was to hit the on switch, and it began buzzing frantically between them, rolling around in noisy pink and humiliating circles on the floor.

so she was in disgrace before they even set off. on the last night, she finally managed to pull the hot barman and took him back to her room. she told him he had to get up and leave at 5am, but they were really drunk and completely overslept. when they did wake up, they decided they might as well have one more shag.

at 8am, her mother got fed up of knocking and just marched in. to the sight of the hot barman with his head buried between her precious daughter's thighs. she turned around and walked straight back out, leaving lisa to boot out the barman and shamefacedly get dressed for breakfast with the family.

at breakfast, her dad was buried behind the paper. he didn't look out. lisa got a plate of food and, cheeks burning, just stared at it. her mother was shocked and tearful - she's very innocent and middle-class and probably thought lisa was still a virgin. er. she'd be wrong. by some way. anyway! eventually she hissed angrily,

"so i suppose this is what they call a 'one night stand' is it, lisa?"

"well, i didn't actually - i mean --"

at that point, her dad popped his head around the paper. lisa went even redder. but her dad just beamed cheerfully and said obliviously,

"morning lisa. have a good night's sleep?"

it was some time before she went home again after that trip...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 7 Aug 2007, 11:05, Reply)