I'm not him but I'll sign it
I was in a pub/club in town many a moon ago with a bunch of mates. Being regulars we didn't need to queue or even ask for drinks, the staff were like friends and they'd pour/open whatever we each had, no need to ask, just a nod of the head. Great times.

One night, some guy, drunker than we were, was nudging mates and pointing at me. We didn't take much notice but he kept doing it. We gave him a couple of stares and left him to it.

A bit later one of his mates comes over, and says "sorry about him but he thinks you're (insert player's name) from West Brom. He's his hero. We've told him you're not but he won't have it. He's seen you getting drinks without asking or queueing, and reckons only celebs or sports starts get this treatment. He's doing our head in. Can you sign something and he'll leave you alone?"

We grabbed a pen from behind the bar, ripped the printed cover off a beer mat and I went over and spoke to this halfwit. I asked his name and wrote something on this manky beermat about "nice to meet you, best wishes, (scrawled footballer's name)". He shook my hand, offered me drinks, and skipped away as happy as I've ever seen a man.

I had no idea who the player was but this drunken numpty's night had been made.

Sad but true.
(randomstupidname would really like this signature field to be bigge, Fri 17 Apr 2009, 20:59, Reply)