Not a celebrity but still a hero
About 7 months ago I was fortunate enough to encounter someone who has pretty much turned my life around, and to this day has been the single biggest influence in my life to date. In January, we were to meet face to face for the first time.

Owing to meeting at a busy time of the evening, I was instructed to wait in a small alleyway where there would be parking available. I am neurotic about being late, so much so that on this occasion I was 15 minutes early. This individual phoned me up to say they would be 10 minutes late due to an accident on the motorway. So, 25 minutes to wait for someone who in my mind, was my hero. What to do? I pace the alleyway in the pouring rain, trying my best to drown the butterflies in my stomach.

I decide to think of something to say when I got in the car. For 25 minutes I went through every snappy one liner I could think of. This was a momentous occasion, and I wanted my first words to be clever.

"Hi there! I'm soaked and you're beautiful!" ...no.

"If I had a pound for every lady I met in an alley!"...too crass.

"Quick! We must hurry! They have seized my spaceship and I think they know who and where I am! If you hear a weird noise I'm just charging my discombobulator!"...bit too surreal.

Anyway, sure enough I see a pair of headlights swing round the corner and I dive in the car, breathing quickly and rather a flutter, both from the cold and finally reaching that point of meeting. I look across to the driver's seat and there she is. If I tried to describe to you just how impossibly beautiful she was, I would actually destroy the internet and I don't want to stop other b3tans from posting more entertaining stories than mine. But trust me, I was convinced she had wings and a halo. I immediately go shy and look out at the driving rain.

"Hi!" She says.

"Hi!" I says.

"...if I wasn't so damn ugly, I'd have made a killing as a prostitute on that street corner! Hahahaha!"

This is why I shouldn't be allowed near normal folk.
(Tiny Blindfolded Horse Kitten sound car horns would end road rage, Fri 17 Apr 2009, 22:13, Reply)