Short…but sad…

I married the present Mrs Pooflake in the happy year of 1999. Joyfully celebrating the end of a shite-lick century with our sweet nuptials, and the knowledge that I’d forever have to keep topping her up with a cleverly disguised combination of Alco-ma-hol, Chloroform and Royhpnol.

The thing is…we were married in the August…but the ‘honeymoon’ happened in May.

So why?...why was it a matter of utmost urgency that we have our wedding holiday at that.specific.date.?

It was so I could fly to New York and watch the World premiere of Star Wars: Episode (cunting) One.

I travelled for 16 hours non-stop to get to there, only to have to queue for another 6 hours…with the patience-of-a-saint wife to be in ever-faithful tow.

However, as we finally entered the cinema, the concoction of Jet Lag and copious amounts of in-flight booze kicked in, and I was fast asleep before I even caught a first glimpse of the insult to cinematography that was Jar Jar Bastard Binks.

Some of the cast were there…apparently…by that point I didn’t care one jot of purest Donkey snot.

I snored the entire way through the film. Loudly. With the soon-to-be-the-present-Mrs-PF skilfully jabbing me in the ribs with her elbow and whispering at me in no uncertain terms to ‘Pleeeease, shut the fuck up’.

And do you know what? All these years later…and I still can’t make up my mind if I was glad I did it.
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Tue 21 Apr 2009, 10:00, 5 replies)

Ha!
I only got to see Star Wars when I told the then Ms Hanky Richard Gere was in it... She sat patiently though the first hour before tapping me on the shoulder and advising: "You, Spanky, are an absolute cunt. Richard Gere's not in this. If he is he's got a small part."

After I'd stopped sniggering about the Mrs saying Richard Gere had a small part I waved at the screen:

"There he is... He's in the suit..."

As I indicated Jar Jar-bastard-Binks doing something *ahem* 'hillarious' on screen...

"Oh..." she said, and carried on watching.

Not too bright, that one, but could suck a monkey through a hosepipe, and that was good enough for me.
( SpankyHanky, Tue 21 Apr 2009, 10:13, closed)

I had to see "The phantom menace" twice
just to make sure it really was as shit as I thought it was the first time around.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 21 Apr 2009, 11:40, closed)

I did a similar thing
went home then watched the "proper" 3 star wars films to make sure that they were as great as I remembered.

They were.

The problem with the "new" trilogy- especially episode 1- was that they tried to make it kid-friendly. So in came the funny voices, CGI, cute bits and oh-so-hilarious slapstick. At least in the later films in the "new" trilogy they brought in some dark bits. And made Jar Jar a minor character.
( uberdeity Wondered why Owen Lars knew of the term "hell" on, Tue 21 Apr 2009, 13:11, closed)

The Phantom Shitter
It was dire... It was sooooo dire...

I just wish George Lucas had actually decided to have a big wank instead of making a film about one.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Tue 21 Apr 2009, 13:27, closed)

I think this^^^...

Is the best and most spot-on review I have ever read.

About anything.

ever.
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Tue 21 Apr 2009, 14:04, closed)