Celebrity devotion tribute act
Where I used to work, we used to get a lot of insane customers. I'm not just talking a bit shouty crazy either, I mean properly, award winning crazy. As an example, one custodian who was illiterate asked me to read his bank statement. He had £90,000 in his account, and he cheerfully told me he was going to have himself cryogenically frozen with it. He also thanked sliding doors when they opened.

But this tale concerns another customer, who we called Mr Hitler. He was quite clearly completely hairless on his head and face, since he came in with a wig that rotated slowly throughout the day, and a moustache that would not be on his face at 9am but miraculously appeared by around 2pm. WIth the 'tache wig combo he looked like a cross between Gomez from the Addams Family and Hitler, thus the name.

He said he was from Dorset, and he always dressed in a very smart suit and spoke in very clipped English. He told me of his fondness for English marching band music, and then told me he'd often "just drive around town with it playing, weeping at its sheer beauty". Every morning at 9.41 his alarm would go off on his phone, which he took as a call. He would then have the same "conversation" with a "bank in Dubai" who were offering him a £150,000 a year job. He always turned it down. After a while, he became in possession of a child's Postman Pat umbrella, which he was furiously possessive of.

I'd seen him out and about, assuming he was another homeless nutcase who fought with the other vagrants in the shelters at night. But something was askew. He had a fancy phone. I saw him driving a really, really fancy car. But we know for a fact he had no home as the back of his car was filled with bedding.

I looked at this man, with his fake wig, suit, fancy car and odd behaviour, and I came to the conclusion that you, avid reader, probably would have too.

This bloke was obviously Gary Glitter.

Thanks to the recession and whatnot, I find myself temporarily out of work. In my spare time, I still see him about and I have been more than a little tempted to follow him, to see if he has a secret stash of platform shoes or children's pants.

It's not devotion to a hero as such, but I have been studying him for two years now. I'm too scared to think of where he got that umbrella...
(Tiny Blindfolded Horse Kitten sound car horns would end road rage, Wed 22 Apr 2009, 18:07, 1 reply)

I'm sure I've read about Mr Hitler before...
*checks*

EDIT: Yep :)
( chart cat has an itch, Thu 23 Apr 2009, 3:50, closed)