I'll be Ted if you want me to
Living in the dorms in college days, I had a roommate named Ted. Ted got an off-campus apartment, and moved out.

One day, about two weeks later, I took out a hunting knife, fiddled with it, and left it in the middle of Ted's empty bed. I went out in the evening and upon returning fell immediately into a deep sleep. Unaccountably, I had failed to lock the door to my room.

About twenty minutes later, the door opened. Fluorescent light from the hallway spilled in. Confused, I said, "Is that you, Ted?" The entering stranger said, "What?" Squinting, I could see he had curly hair much like one of Ted's friends. So, I said, "Ted's not here anymore. He moved out."

The stranger replied:

"I'll be Ted if you want me to."

I sat up and struggled to awaken. The stranger closed the door and sat beside me. I could smell alcohol. He grabbed the covers on my lap and swooped them down to my ankles. I reached down and pulled the covers back. Again, the stranger grabbed the covers and swooped them down, and again I reached down and pulled them back. I asked him, "OK, what do you want?" He said, "What if I told you I was a flaming faggot looking to get fucked?" I said, "Then I'd say you are in the wrong place."

What to do? I was worried about the hunting knife left out on Ted's bed. Did the stranger see the knife? In the darkness, apparently not. Could I get to the knife first? Very risky. I would have to jump over the stranger from a sitting position. There was no reason he couldn't get to the knife first. Violence wasn't the answer. The fellow was clearly living out a fantasy of some sort. I had to pop his fantasy bubble, and fast. But how?

So, I began talking to the fellow in a dull monotone about all manner of tedious things. Mostly about computer programming. After a while, I noticed the stranger's shoulders slump in fatigue, his stubbly jaw slacken, the tension slowly disappear. Suddenly, he stood up and left.

Too bad. I was just getting to formatting.
(Perv With A Dog had his eyes pecked out by scrub jays on, Fri 14 Feb 2014, 18:34, 2 replies)

This is a work of genius
Send it to HBO and see if they'll let you work on a pilot
(the other guy not the one that gave you coochie warts, Sat 15 Feb 2014, 5:40, closed)

All queers are rapists - fact
Oh no, he wanted you to top him. Christ man, any holes a goal!
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Sat 15 Feb 2014, 9:46, closed)