Oh, this has to be my favourite question so far
My farts... oh my. Farting in a lift? The work of amateurs. Passing a car with an open window? Pure child's play. Try clearing out an entire school hall. I had no idea what I was eating, considering it was 14 years ago. However, it was morning assembly. Picture the scene- the headteacher at the front of us all, sat on the floor, cross-legged like the good little children that we were. And then, I notice a rumbling. A fart is brewing. And it's a big one. Much, much bigger than I am used to. There's nothing I can do about this one- it was going to be loud, and it was going to be violent. Which it was, believe me. In a bid to let off just a little rectal pressure, I shifted to the side to let a small amount out. Unfortunately, I am not le petomane. The whole lot came out in one go, and it was as though Satan himself had possessed my arsehole, and was breathing out of it. The infants class were giggling, the teachers standing round looked scandalised, and the person sitting behind me looked quite ill. So would anyone who had just received the full force of a Jim-brand fart. And the smell... oh the smell. I know everyone appreciates their own brand but bloody hell it was turbo-charged. So much so, they evacuated the school hall, whilst I was trying my best not to giggle. That's not the end of it though. I had to write a letter of apology to the head teacher. Looking back, I should have "perfumed" it.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Sat 14 Jul 2007, 15:12, Reply)