* PFFT *I've been pretty farty all week, but 2 large helpings of sausage and lentil stew last night have really tipped things over the edge. I swear you can see these ones.
I'm here at work trying to hold them in so I (a) don't have to keep nipping to the loo like a madman and (b) don't gas half the office, but it's becoming increasingly difficult. I might rupture something if I'm not careful.
Tell us all about your own fartiness.
(
chthonic, Fri 13 Jul 2007, 14:01)
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Anal yodellerYes, it's repost, but since I've done about 6 other posts here this week, I have to finish it off with this one, it really does belong here.
About 5 years ago I did a job, a conference, in a very quiet off-season Swiss resort.
The venue was a huge hall jutting out from a hostel type place, on stilts, containing 4 indoor tennis courts with a glass wall at one end giving a spectacular view of the Alpine scenery. Concerned about the acoustics of such a hangar-sized building , myself and a colleague strolled in to find that the place had been taken over by a large party of rowdy French schoolkids aged about 10-12. They were hanging out of their dorm windows, shouting, fighting, throwing bags at each other, totally Sunny D’d .
Reaching the centre of that cavern, 2 courts in, we realised it was an acoustic nightmare.
Needing to think and wanting to silence the French ADHD party, I bellowed “Hey!!! Ecoutez!” at them. Instantly, they all fell completely silent, stopped in mid-pillow fight and turned to face us. At that point, I struck the pose, cocked my leg, and kick started my imaginary motorbike, unleashing the longest drawn-out sheet tearing rip-snorting fart I have ever done. It was audio perfection, changed pitch mid-way, and I swear it bounced off the mountains and reverberated round that hall for about 10 seconds, I couldn’t believe such a beast had emanated from my very own dirtbox. Lifting off the pedal before I drew mud, I turned to face the schoolkids and took a bow. There was absolute, perfect silence for just a split-second before they (and us) erupted in screams of laughter. Picking ourselves up, literally, we left the building with them still howling.
For the rest of the week whenever we happened across the party of French kids in their class gatherings, all you could hear were them making loud farting noises prompting their teachers/handlers to go completely mental trying to restore order. They obviously had no clue as to why the appearance of these Englishmen triggered total mayhem from their little charges.
I like to think that they all went home and wrote essays about the Incredible English Anal Yodeller (and his astounded colleague)
(, Thu 19 Jul 2007, 11:13, Reply)
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