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This is a question Festivals

Mud, rubbish sex, food poisoning and the Quo replacing the headline act you've mortgaged your house to see. Tell us your experiences

Question from Chart Cat

(, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 13:33)
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Glastonbury 2008
Me and my ex-girlfriend are not your standard issue festival types. We're much more at home in clubs than tents, and more into the narcotic side of things than the boozy. Having said that, when I recieved a phone call from my Carlsberg Rep, asking if I'd like two tickets to go to Glastonbury for free, I jumped at it.

My parents live relatively close to Glastonbury, so we could use there as a base, get a good nights kip on the Thursday and then get down early Friday and get pitched. Now, my ex has absolutely no camping experience whatsoever, and also has an amazing ability to be late for absolutely everything, so I shouldn't have too surprised that when we eventually got to Glastonbury, everyone else had been there ages, my car was parked in the arse end of nowhere, and all the camping on the side of the festival I was parked nearest to was taken, so cue the trek carrying everything and eventually finding the shittest camping spot ever, a good 30 minutes from the gate we'd come into, but we were in and set.

However, as we'd got there late and I was desperate to find a) beer and b) food, I didn't really spend much time studying our surroundings. I'd made note of the big orange flag on the gazebo next to us and a few other notable things to navigate by, and so had been able to find the missus after a quick loo break and beer hunt.

Anyways, we got sorted and duly toddled off to go and see some bands and general do the festival 'thing'. Headed off to The Glade as I'd been told there was a Carlsberg area there. Sure enough, I find out about a hidden door down the side of a tent that leads us into a VIP type area, with a free bar and a free BBQ. Things are looking up!

So, laden with booze and starting to enjoy ourselves we head off into the night. Feeling quite happy and chilled out we decide it's time for a spot of MDMA action, which was duly sorted. The night carries on. As the night pans out, we move from the Class A action onto another powder more generally known as a Horse Tranquiliser. Now, we're both experienced clubbers, and this is not our first time we've taken K, so no problems there.

We have a good night and we eventually head back to the tent and all is good. We find out way back no problems and we aim to try and get some sleep ready for the following days shenanigans. As we were sleeping on rather bumpy ground, and neither of us were feeling upto sexeh tiem, we decide to have a slightly bigger line of the previouslyly mentioned Tranquiliser. Again no problems there.

Unfortunately for me, this is where it starts to go wrong.

Having just settled in for the night and starting to feel comfy, I became aware of the need for the free beer I'd drunk early to be released from the bladder. Upon mentioning this to the missus, and saying "Bollocks to it, I'll just go by the side of the tent", I am then told in no uncertain terms "No you fucking well will not, you'll at least go to the bush" Brilliant....

So getting redressed in the rather small tent was achieved, wellies were put on, headtorch was donned so as to the tents in front of me.
Figured out which way the nearest bush was and struck out. Now, for those of you who aren't silly enough to inhale prescriptions normally reserved for the four legged species out there, Ket has a very specific effect on the section of your brain that deals with depth perception. Namely, it stops it working properly, but I was used to this, and so set off. I managed to avoid the guy ropes of all the tents with ease, I didn't stumble or fall on a single tent. I did however forgot one small problem.

In a field full of tents, you cannot walk in a straight line, instead you meander back and forth whilst heading in a general direction. So you fix on where you're going and head for it.....

Unless it's dark...
And you've taken Ket...
And you've taken your contact lenses out to go sleep...
So you can literally only see six foot in front of you.

After ten minutes of walking probably around the same four tents I ended up fixing on a wierd blurry light source and sort of aiming for it... This porved fairly succesful for a while, but it turned out the light source was not the toilet block. Oh know. Just a random light on a post. Great. Eventually after 30 or so minutes of wandering around, I heard what sounded like nice peoples voices. As it happens, they were... I explained what had happened, and the nice lady said that she would help me try and find my tent. I didn't have my mobile, so she took my girlfriends number and rang it. I'll never forget the words she then spoke:
"Hi, have you lost your boyfriend?.... Well yeah I've found him... Yeah he's lost bless him.... I'll try and bring him back to you.. okay then..." So, I tehn describe where our tent was near (the gazebo from before etc) and am then lend hand in hand by this lady towards my tent, where I am duly reunited with my girlfriend. And again, I stand there as they discuss my situation, and my girlfriend thanks the nice lady for bringing me back. I just stood there like a 3 year old who's been found in the frozen section at Asda, and has been united with Mummy.

The really comical thing is that I'm 6'3" and both nice lady and my girlfriend are about 5' 4"... Oh, and I was 26 at the time.

But, if you were that nice lady at Glasto who found ame and returned me.. Cheers!

Apologies for length, but it's quiet at work and I'm bored.
(, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 1:04, 2 replies)
That's beautiful.

(, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 1:19, closed)
yay! for nice ladies
(, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 8:05, closed)

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