I shit you not! - the night I nearly lost my virginity at a festival (not that long ago actually...*sighs*)
Apologies for length, I have far too much time to kill.

So!!!
The year: 2007
Destination: DOWNLOAAAAAAAD Festival in Castle Donnington!

My favourite festival, I go every year :) even before the festival had even started we'd been chased by police on the tuesday night for 'borrowing' trolleys from the nearby airport, you just knew it was going to be good!

Eventually thursday arrives! Thursdays are always awesome at Download. Well, once the village opens and the shops, afterparty tent, stalls and the fair become available...it usually opens 2hrs late. We wonder about, buy some shit, try the rides, then go back and continue drinking and meeting friends who arrived late due to work commitments or whatever.
Said friends, have brought a ton of weed with them. Me, rarely smoking weed and very easily gotten drunk on wine, cider and whatever else was lying around was stoned to fuck and passed out at 5pm.

4 completely blank hours later! I crawl out of my tent not even remem bering how I got IN the tent...feeling right as rain! Except, I had a random txt on my phone... went something like "hey stud, you were amazing! Wanna meet up later? I'll be in the Duracell tent xxx"

I look at my mates, who were annoyingly sober (sods) and they explained I'd managed to pull and actually do sex!

"Bollocks!" I said, and argued how bollocks it was, hoping to god I hadn't lost my virginity and forgot it. The least I could have remembered was how to 'do' the whole sex thing! I might not have shagged a certain ex had I not been so desperate by that point...*coughs* anyway, I took my official plastic Download pint cup, fill it with more wine and begged a couple of mates to come proove this to be the stinking pile of bs it appeared. And off we go.

When we finally get there, my 'mates' explain it was actually a stinking pile of bs and they'd deleted one of their numbers from my phone and they were bored back at the site so came along, hey then headed back after deciding the Duracell tent was a bit crap. I'd already started drinking this pint of wine and was starting get too trollied to notice so said my goodbyes and procceeded to boogy to some metal when this absolute stunner in a silver dress starts dancing with me. Could not believe my luck. I even end up snogging her! There's definitely something special about slowdancing to slayer and getting a really tonguey snog!

Her name was Lucy...
I think...
was kinda drunk...

But she was fit! (i think...)

an hour or so passed and I can't remember much of our conversation. It mostly consisted of:
"can I have some more of your drink?"
Sure!
"cool, I LIKE WINE!!!" This should have been my warning...

My little virgin willy springs to life as she grabs my arm and seductivly yells, "LET'S GO BACK TO MINE!"

Yessss! I'm finally going to do it!

We leave the Duracell tent hand-in-hand and pass some portaloos...

"I NEED A PISS!!! COME WITH ME!!!" Not that I would have resisted given the choice, but I was dragged in anyway.

Now, do I get to screw her? A Blowjob maybe? A Handjob even? at least see some boobies?

No! She pulls down these polka dot kninkers (my most vivid memory of the whole encounter, bar the next bit), giggles, "DON'T LOOK AT ME!" and starts pissing!
...this is joined with some amusingly squeeky farts, followed by the unforgettable sound of wet, bubbly, aero mousse beer squits.

"Oh, god!" cries my conscience before fainting! but do I run? Are you kidding?! She wants to touch my penis! In the name of virgins worldwide I grin (far from literally) and bare it! Making a note of where I can buy some mind bleach while she finishes deficating.

Finally, after some slight mental scarring we emerge from the portaloo hand -in-hand and once again and(it's now apparent she's VERY drunk) stumble back to the campsite.

We end up at mine as she can't remember the way to hers, and finding everyone asleep in their tents (boring sods!) I sit down and contemplate the morality of the situation. Next thing I know she's helping herself to my box of wine!

After downing half a pint of wine she explains, "I LIKE WINE! OH HANG ON, I NEED ANOTHER PISS!!! FUCK IT!"

"Oh, nooooooo!"

Anyway, the story ends with me very sober, completely fucked in the head, helping her call her friends who were convinced I was trying to rape her. Then her eventually passing out nearby where she'd just micturated and me assisting her friends carry her back to her part of the campsite. It also ends with nobody in MY group believeing me! Because they were all boring cunts who went bed early!
Fucksocks!

end :)
(suicidalducky has too much time on his hands, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 5:46, 2 replies)

Hahahaaaaa
That's the first QOTW answer in many a moon to raise a smile.

Worth a click just for "wet, bubbly, aero mousse beer squits"!
(Super Jet Shoes, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 11:00, closed)

Hey,
Thanks :)
(suicidalducky has too much time on his hands, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 5:29, closed)