Elevenerife
When I was about 19, myself and a couple of mates decided to go to Tenerife for our first proper lads holiday. We'd been there a couple of days working on our tans and having a few beers in the evening before we decided to do a big night out. I put on my brand new bright green 'pulling shirt', and off out we went.

We'd been to a few places before we got ushered into one shithole by the promise of 2 for 1 jugs of drink by some bird we probably thought actually wanted to fuck us since she was 'being so nice'. Almost immediately as we crossed the dancefloor, the DJ 'took a liking' to us and christened my mate Jamie 'Worzel Gummidge' due to his mop of hair, my other mate Rhodri 'Desperate Dan', and me 'Shit Shirt' for obvious reasons.

Not impressed by his wit and repartee, we all decided this was not the place for us and our chances of pulling had just gone into the minuses. As we walked out I couldn't resist sticking the V's up to the DJ. Ahhh, how I had the last word...

Don't be silly...

As I walked out the back way, my friends seemed to disappear sharpish back the way we came. The next thing I know I had that sharp 'freezing' feeling you get when you've been punched in the back of the head. A group of the DJ's mates/bouncers hadn't got quite the same sense of humour as him it seemed and all jumped me, kicking and punching seven shades of shit out of my entire being.

I tried valiantly for a few seconds to land some punches of my own before assuming the fetal position and covering my head. Eventually their legs must have got tired from kicking every inch of me and I scrambled to my feet, and made it up the stairs leading out. They finished off with a 'See what you get when you fuck with us?' kind of goodbye. At this point, still alive, not in much pain surprisingly most normal people would have hot-footed it out of there pronto.

19 year old me? "Is that all you've got you bunch of benders?"

So they dragged me down the stairs where I landed on a broken beer bottle and it went a couple of inches into my arm. Then kicked me about some more.

The second time I got up, I decided I'd had enough. And my fucking shirt was RUINED!
(Galahad is out of his gourd on yellow bentines, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 20:03, 1 reply)

give
AB the address. He will love it. With my mum, of course.
(Suck it and Sea, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 23:57, closed)