My flat is clean now...
...thanks to a relatively clean and tidy housemate who doesn't own much stuff and seems happy enough to do my washing up for me. I do have some (not so) fond memories from my life as a student.

1. Bin Jenga - I'm sure most students play this one where when the bin gets full you start to pile things on top, balancing things ever more precariously, until the one who makes it fall has to empty it.

2. The one housemate who never washes up who left his half eaten mashed potato in a pan until it started to go mouldy. It was then removed to his bedroom where I think it remained until the day we moved out about a year later. I think maybe the mould reached some level of self-awareness by that point.

3. The George Forman grill which was used to cook just about everything and was never cleaned beyond a fairly cursory scrape. We used to collect the fat which dripped off into the tray and decanted it into a series of empty Dolmio jars which we proudly displayed on the windowsill. The most interesting bit was looking back through the layers in some sort of filthy greasy version of what I imagine geologists would do with some sort of rock core to determine the different cheap-ass student food we'd consumed (Co-op burgers made exceptionally thick layers). George never respnded to my emailed photograph asking if they wanted to use it in their promotional literature.

4. The bathroom extension built at the rear of our house in the age when outdoor toilets were being replaced. Sadly they neglected to provide any sort of insulation to it and it used to suffer massively with condensation. When we moved in the bathroom had recently been painted white but as time wore on it gradually all began to turn green. First it started from behind the tiles around the bath and then white furry stuff started growing out from underneath the bath, along the carpet. When tiles started falling off the wall, being pushed off by streaky black fingers of mould I made one of the decisions I regret more in my life. I unscrewed the panel from the edge of the bath, "just to have a look what's happening underneath". The oozing blackness beneath, looking like some sort of Cthulhu-type horror is an image which still haunts me. I used to leap out of the bath in the morning lest it's inky tendrils grab my ankles and pull me down into damnation.

...but the grimmest one was

5. Again at the place with the bathroom of horror I was discussing the state of it with my housemates when one of them made a horrific admission. The toilet was in its own little cupboard at the end of the bathroom and it had a very long pull-cord for the light switch. He said, "Oh yeah, and I hate it when you're wiping your arse and you get the cord gets all tangled up with you". Queue a moment of disbelieving blinking while the realisation of what he said sank in and then trying to remember all the times where you went to the toilet and turned the light of using what now turned out to be a soiled pull-cord and then maybe gone to make a sandwich without adequate handwashing. What followed was much scrubbing of hands then donning of rubber gloves and cutting the light-cord to remain at head height.

There are many things about being a student I miss: casual sex (or at least the thought of it maybe happening to me one day), cheap booze and cheese and tuna toasties. Living surrounded by filth is not one of them.
(bigjonnydynamite, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 12:56, 2 replies)

Cheese and tuna toasties are amazing!
And thanks to some clean and tidy housemates, living in filth is not a price I have to pay for them.

*Clicks*
(Petite chien is going to do science to it, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 14:07, closed)

click
for sending a picture of your grease collection to George Foreman.

Everyone should do this.
( stopmeandslapme Cometh the hour, cometh your mum, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 14:25, closed)