first!
Anyway, now that childishness is over, I'd best think of an answer...

Public school in Cheshire, 1980(ish).

We were all called out of class, all the boys and told to go to the assembly hall. 5 minutes later there were 200 or so young lads aged between 6 and 13 all lined up in some sort of age order waiting patiently to see what was going on, there were hushed rumours going around with all sorts of mad theories as to why we were there.

Then entered the deputy head, Mr Shaw-Twillie (you couldn't make this up!), he bellowed 'who was it? We know it's one of you so just own up', we stood there in silence, all but one of us wondering what the fuck he was on about, 'COME ON, WHO DID IT?' Over and over again.

Some of the younger kids near the front were starting to cry.

One of the prefects bravely asked 'did what sir?'

'DID WHAT?' I'LL TELL YOU WHAT 'WHO WENT TO THE TOILET IN THE LAVATORY?' We all looked around at each other, were we not meant to go to the toilet in the lavatory, had they changed the rules and not told us?

No-one said a word, we all stood there looking straight at him, wondering what his problem was with us using the loo.

The same prefect put his hand up and asked 'What has happened Sir?'

'WHAT HAS HAPPENED? he roared, 'I'LL TELL YOU WHAT HAS HAPPENED', ONE OF YOU DIRTY LITTLE BOYS HAS 'CRAPPED' ON THE TOILET SEAT AND LEFT IT THERE'

That was it, we all lost it, we were all crying with laughter, he was screaming at us that he would find out who did it, but not a soul put their hand up and he eventually had to let us all leave, it was the talk of the school for weeks, but they never did find out.



Private school, £3k per term back then, very posh, not the sort of school to send 'me' to.
(Kip, Thu 2 Feb 2012, 13:07, 2 replies)

"Shaw-Twillie" is just splendid.

( Pig Bodine., Thu 2 Feb 2012, 14:50, closed)

We had a Mr Kitcatt
Do these people become teachers never having met a schoolboy?
(Eukanuba, Sat 4 Feb 2012, 18:36, closed)