Harem-tastic!
My first real love and b/f was a short half-Turkish Trotskyist fellow with a goatee, beret, and ambitions at world domination. I was 16 and very naive, especially seeing as the year before he had gone out with three of my best friends in quick sucession. It was a year later and I thought he might have changed, even as he kissed me and told me about his ambitions (perfectly seriously) to take over a small South American country to start off with, y'know, work up to the biggie.

Needless to say, it didn't last long, and I was heartbroken. After far too long, I got over him and went on with my life...

I met up with him recently. Last year I'd found out that after spending two months in America, he'd hooked up with someone, and they'd got engaged. We were all shocked, but fascinated in a car crash watching kind of way. Then there was silence. Finally, this year I got through to him, and we met up. All my mates were waiting with baited breath to see what had become of him -

First I got this text message:
'Greetings. Fishing bodes well this evening. I see carp. But I may be a little...short of punctual virtues but shorter than a tuna crows 10 time, once a minute'

I accordingly re-adjusted by brain to his kind of wavelength. By the time I arrived I was primed to talk utter bollocks fluently and without blinking (or twitching, fitting, or otherwise acting abnormally abnormally). Through the miasma of everything else, I was able to ascertain that yes, he really was still married! I was impressed. However, he was living with his parents (and with her...and a dog and some kittens etc) and was working for Harringey council distributing wheeled zimmerframes and commodes. Oh, and I think that somewhere not so deep down he really does want to take over a South American country and become an absolute dictator.

One of my friends emailed me this reply to my account of the evening for them:

BLOODY HELL HAMPSTER!! omg i really had no idea about ne of that! imagine if we got married 2 him, all of us. i can imagine that, him with 4 wives living with his parents and cats and dogs and us all at home while he works 4 the council....damn! thats really unbelievable!

I love her.
( Hampster Squared has stuff at www.tilla.co.uk, Sat 22 Oct 2005, 20:37, Reply)