Not me, but one of the cunts in the office
I'll call him "Ian the Cunt", because "Ian" just isn't enough to describle this person. He looks like trailer trash meets Roland Rat, has got a perchant for wearing Everlast gear, has a large gold belt buckle on all the time, which is only just obscured by the bumbag he wears constantly. Yes, he wears a bumbag about the office.

So rather strangely after all this presentation, "Ian the Cunt" doesn't quite fit in, but he tries. Oh for fucks sake he tries. If anyone on the team is having a chat he'll walk over laughing and saying "hahaha.....oh gawd". We kinda look at him awkwardly, wondering why he's just steamrollered in with that and not said anything else. He's still standing there, smiling to himself.

He was trying to become a friend of one of the guys here called Daryl, and Daryl was being polite as he'd just joined the team. He asked Daryl if he could call around his house to copy some files to a backup hard drive he had, so Dar foolishly said yes. He stayed at his house for 8 hours. Daryl just couldn't get him out of the house. When he finally kicked out the cunt, he left it at that.

It turned Chrimbo and New Year, and on New Year's Eve Ian turns up at Daryl's house, just as he's about to leave for an all-nighter.
"Greetings!" he says while holding 2 bottles of Daryl's favourity wine, which freaked the fuck out of Daryl as he hadn't told him what he drank.
"Errrrr, cheers Ian" says Dar, he grabs both bottles off him, thanks him then says "Sorry but I'm off out now" and legs it off to the party before Ian could follow him.

A few weeks later; when it's a co-worker's birthday, we all chip in a few quid and get something for that person (as we're all mainly ok). It turns out that Daryl's is next so we all chip in. Ian The Cunt starts trying too hard though, and goes out to buy Daryl a 4gb Memory Stick Duo for his PSP (setting him back £30 odd quid at the time). Bestest, bestest friends. Obviously, we all took the piss royally out of the cunt "Hey, it's my birthday in a month, I want an Xbox 360, but I'm not into bum-love".

He's done this and more just to try to fit in, but he couldn't look odder if he tried.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Thu 15 Jan 2009, 19:21, 9 replies)

I know I'd probably think him a cunt too if I was stuck with him for so long...
But I think that a sad story. I feel a bit sorry for the poor man. He can't even work out how to make a friend.
( vix0r was not Matthew on, Thu 15 Jan 2009, 21:06, closed)

I imagine
he's learning what a bunch of cunts you lot are as well.
(haberman is singing in the changes, Thu 15 Jan 2009, 23:12, closed)

I hope so
I know I'm a cunt.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Fri 16 Jan 2009, 8:19, closed)

cue Team America
and the "Dicks, Pussies and Assholes" scene!
( brown-wings Made with three kinds of butter, Fri 16 Jan 2009, 10:20, closed)

An acquaintance
of mine, with similar fitting-in troubles did something similar. During a school trip abroad, in the car ferry duty-free, he was being quietly amused to himself about a portable CD player (remember them?) in the shape of Tweety Pie.

An attractive, popular female classmate of his looks over his shoulder as he does this, so he decides that the best way to impress her is to buy the ghastly thing on the spot, for himself. He was 18, and already had a CD player on him anyway. I'm still trying to work out what logic he was trying to apply.
(zeppelin boy, Thu 15 Jan 2009, 23:55, closed)

lol
I bet he looked a right tool.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Fri 16 Jan 2009, 8:20, closed)

Hmmm.
He sounds very annoying indeed, but I can't help feeling sorry for the chap. Sounds like he's very shy, and doesn't know how to interact socially, thus propogating his inability to make his own friends.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Fri 16 Jan 2009, 10:44, closed)

You know that Ian will end up killing Daryll
You know it's going to happen!
(brainwrong, Fri 16 Jan 2009, 16:51, closed)

Yey :)
*irons shirt for Crimewatch appearance*
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Fri 16 Jan 2009, 17:30, closed)