In which Chickenlady doesn't fit in
In the spirit of entertainment and work avoidance I've revived my Convent Tales….

I was educated entirely by nuns and my senior school was an all-girls boarding. I was there for seven years and during that time I and my fellow inmates did a great deal to fit in…..


Physically
This was the 80s - big hair was fashionable to everyone needed to have either a huge perm, blonde streaks or, if you were very rebellious, spikey hair just like Limahl from Kajagoogoo. It would have been sensible for me to have gone with the huge perm look as my hair is naturally very curly but no, I wanted to look like a bog brush. Each morning I'd get up at around 6.30am just so I could wash and carefully blow dry my hair to try to make it go straight - this was in a time before straighteners, kids! Of course if it rained I was back to looking like a poodle.

However, at least I wasn't the one sporting GREEN highlights…. One girl in my class had naturally white blonde hair, well, at least it was until she took up swimming every day (in Daddy's pool, natch) instead of showering. It took about two weeks before her hair gained the green sheen and then soon she began to apply St.Tropez fake tan like she was auditioning for Wham!

Okay, so there I am, the one in the class with wild curly hair attempting to look like Siouxie Sioux which I did, just not that version…instead I looked remarkably similar to this version which is NSFW due to boobage.

Now, enough of all that stuff about hair and onto the real Fitting In ….

Two incidents come to mind in particular, both deeply embarrassing to me and highly amusing to onlookers - both unsurprisingly occurred on the sports fields.

#1 Aged 15 running around the hockey pitch.

I was a fast developer, in fact at 11 I was 5'4", took a size 10 (UK) and wore size 5 shoes. I continued to be what can only be described as 'sturdy' - remember the Sturdy Girl meme? Could have been me.
At 15 I'd grown another three inches or so and my breasts seemed to expand each week.

That was my problem.

While being a fast developer, I wasn't a fast runner.

Sports bras were unheard of…

So there I am in my fetching aertex shirt, grey mini skirt and lovely matching grey knickers (they were compulsory uniform to be worn under the mini skirt and OVER your own sexy pack-of-three, share-them -with-granny white M&S knickers and to retain our modesty while doing sport - only the goody-goodies and geeks wore them) slogging around the pitch on a grey November morning.

I'm getting hot and sweaty, hair sticking to the back of my neck, blow dried spikes collapsed and I resemble an overheated poodle.

Then the unthinkable happens….

My wayward breasts make a bid for freedom, well, one of them does.

I'm running with one large globe juggling around on its own under my shirt and all eyes, all the local boys from the scumbag comp are looking, all the boys from the next door all boys Catholic school are watching too (they weren't actually, but in my head EVERYONE saw me and my escaping booby).

I continue to run but I also attempt to stuff the overflowing excess back into its lacy hammock.

Not a good idea.

The other one comes free too.

And that was how I ended up with the nickname of Chesty Morgan (google it okay, I've done it for you - criticism accepted and I now stand corrected....Chesty Morgan - but this is NSFW ) for a long while.



#2 Aged 18 - in fact my 18th birthday

I was a house captain and therefore everyone in the school knew me as I was part of the prefect elite - this allowed me to walk across the Chapel lawn, wear a badge and bully first years.

Somehow my entire house found out that it was my 18th birthday - I suspect me telling them repeatedly for a month beforehand in the hope of receiving presents had something to do with it.


So there I am (again) on the sports field but this time I'm not in PE kit, instead I'm in normal school uniform….shirt, tie, knee length skirt and….stockings with suspenders.

Yes. This was school uniform. Compulsory uniform. We were supposed to look like elegant young ladies but instead we either looked like refugees from some war torn state or hookers - St. Trinian's (both the modern and the original versions) were amazingly spot on).

It was lunch time and half the pupils from the all boys Catholic school next door where hanging around as a netball match was due to start soon - room searches were common so in the absence of 'reading material' the older boys would come to spectate at the netball in the hope that someone would 'forget' their grey knickers - someone always did, usually one of the racy South African girls who wore only flimsy bikini bottom like scanties - none of the boys could walk straight on their return to school.

The girls from my house see me standing around, clip board in hand - I was trying to find someone to run the 1500m for sports day - my running days were over.

Suddenly hundreds of hands are on me.

I'm lifted into the air.

I'm on my back.

I'm flying up.

I'm caught.

I'm flying up.

I'm caught.

I'm flying up.

My skirt goes flying up.

My stockings, suspenders and my knickers are all on display.

This repeats for 19 'bumps'.

During bump number 16 there was a rip.

And my second occasion of not fitting in occurred.

This time it was my arse.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 12:23, 18 replies)

do you still have the uniform...?
enquiring minds need to know...

Or at least the bunch of slavering perverts that much up the subscription list of this site... :-)
(Chad, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 12:33, closed)

I think I lent it to
your mum



;)
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 12:37, closed)

well..
I thought I'd beat the rush...

Just trying to fit in, y'know ;-)

Also, as my mum is so large her ass has two post codes, I sincerely doubt your uniform would fit her - god bless a low thyroid.

I predict a raft of "mum" jokes now...
(Chad, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 12:57, closed)

Oh dear...
I KNEW that there'd be a reply like this...

*shakes head slowly*

EDIT: Hahaha! The classic "your Mum".
( Cawl, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 12:37, closed)

Oh hell, Kaol.
If he hadn't done so, I would have! *laugh*

PJM, we expect a full report on this. Include pictures, please.

*horns*
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Tue 20 Jan 2009, 13:23, closed)

Had to be asked,
but could have been worse.
( gareth_alien will be human again at, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 13:00, closed)

^ What Chad said
*horns*
*rubs thighs*
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Tue 20 Jan 2009, 13:07, closed)

BOING!

( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 13:10, closed)

Photos
or it didn't happen..
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 20 Jan 2009, 13:12, closed)

Photos?
This was in the days before camera phones.

It's seared into my memory.


Just add a proper school uniform to the NSFW Siouxie Sioux photo.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 13:33, closed)

You mean there's no YouTube link or nuffink?
I'm not too good with photoshop, can someone oblige? ;-)
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 20 Jan 2009, 13:35, closed)

Erm...
this was so long ago that the only computers we had at school were BBC's which whopping 5.5 inch floppy discs.

No mobile phones, no internet, a Sinclair Spectrum (if you were lucky) to play Jet Set Willy or Manic Miner on.

And Duran Duran to listen to.


(Can't wait for the next series of Ashes to Ashes to start!)
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 13:42, closed)

I think I may be of the same vintage
I had a Spectrum but all my mates had BBC Bs which of course was 'a proper computer'. B'stards.

Spitting Image on a Sunday night. Highlight of the week.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 20 Jan 2009, 13:49, closed)

Spitting Image!
'And the vegetables?'
'They'll have the same as me!'
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 13:53, closed)

Poor Maggie Thatch...
"Norman! Michael! Spread his legs!" *CRUNCH*
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 20 Jan 2009, 14:02, closed)

pffft!
..."floppy"...

heehee
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Wed 21 Jan 2009, 10:26, closed)

Oh dear
Overdeveloped schoolgirls in a convent school - Check!

Uniform - Check!

Stockings - Check!

Tissues - Check!

Locked door - Check!



*fwaps*
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 16:54, closed)

*clicks*
For Siouxie and boobage.
(Generator cannot be named for legal reasons, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 20:39, closed)