My first experience in a gay bar
18 years old, going out for a friends 18th.. I don't know why, but there was an all round consensus to take our friend to the only local gay bar as we thought it'd be the "ironic" thing to do as we were all straight.
Enter the bar, I was pleasantly surprised. I was expecting drag queens, glory holes in the toilets, Celine Dion being played continuously with a high pitched camp bar tender.
The bar had a wide selection of alcohol all at very fair prices, the music was a mixture of Indie and Soft Rock and not too loud, with a very calm relaxed atmosphere. Anyway, to cut a long story short, I went to the bar ordering two double Jack Daniels neat with ice [by this point I was really drunk and I thought this would give me a sophisticated façade]. This seemed to get the attraction of a female at the bar who seemed to show some interest. I chatted with her for only several minutes, and she lit up a cigarette and casually blew it in my general direction. I, as an ex-casual smoker, just gently wafted it away from my [already blood-shot] eyes and nose where the following conversation took place:

Lady 1: "Sorry, I didn't mean to blow it in your face"
Jon_LTD: "It's OK, I smoke a bit any way, it doesn't bother me?"
Lady 1: "So you don't mind me blowing it in your face?"
Jon_LTD: "Only if I can blow my load in your face!"

Being incredibly chuffed to bits with my razor wit, I had a smile from ear-to-ear.. Only to receive a disgusted look and a VERY hard slap. I picked up my two drinks and casually walked to my table of friends and was still thoroughly impressed with my efforts and a smile just as big as the moment the punchline was delivered. Awesome.

I still maintain that was one of the sharpest moments of my life.
(Jon_LTD Treat the world like a head!, Thu 18 Feb 2010, 15:16, 2 replies)

Smooth.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 18 Feb 2010, 15:22, closed)

...
Jon_LTD: "Well, if we're being honest, I'd rather you sucked it off actually love"

(ah the benefits of sobriety and thinking time)
(Roger_Irrelevant he's completely hatstand, Thu 18 Feb 2010, 16:33, closed)

Wow..
That IS sharp. Hindsight is a wonderful thing.
(Jon_LTD Treat the world like a head!, Thu 18 Feb 2010, 18:13, closed)