A tale of flirting
in the style of Robert Browning. 700 words so in the reply..

may be fabricated horseshit
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 11:28, 7 replies)

A tall young man,

he grinned so much,
with his thick blonde hair,
his skin unblemished yet so fair
perched upon the plush red chair
But he had a yearning such
For the girls within his sights
to give them kisses and love-bites
He must get one within his clutch

Tits!
They stood proud and prominent,
Nips protruding in all directions,
portraying a pornographic bent,
causing uninvited erections
Distracting blokes from drinking beer
to forgetting partners they hold dear
(except those that are quite queer)
Visible and in full view
Tucked in bras and blouses too
In fifty different sizes 'ere

His friend did sit up with a start
"You won't pull like this"
"You've got to pick a random tart"
and with that, went for a piss
He swigged off half his pint of ale,
Feeling like a hot-blood male
But had an itching he might fail
"You hope because you're with your mate"
"You'll suffer a much better fate"
He thought without much confidence,
his nerves a-jangling much too tense,
he must shake off the reticence
At this he rose up off his seat
and approached a young fair most sweet.

He stopped, his nerves arising
He tried so hard to break the silence
So wanted help and some advising
for scrambled thoughts to condense
It's easier to plan it from afar
Before coming over to the bar
To purchase yet another jar
"oh for a fuck, a fuck, a fuck!"
But was bait taken off his hook?
The sweet young girl gave him a look.
He gasped a little, "Could it be,
That she has taken sight of me",
and within him with a little flutter,
his nerves did soften like warm butter,
(What pulchritude is this,
that it should draw her notice)
There, another look, a flick of hair
He glances o'er to his chair
Then turns back to this young fair

"Hallo" he cried standing straight
and smiled down at his attempted date
Her slender figure and her form
was making his nether-regions warm
"Can I, err may I get you a drink"
He stopped and waited for an answer
Trying to play the role of chancer
Praying she was lithe just like a dancer
She glanced down, picked up her glass
and replied softly, exuding class
"Yes please, I'd love one" she cooed
By now his thoughts were turning rude,
as he imagined her standing nude
but shattered were his imaginations
by his mate's vile machinations

His mate came over to spoil the game,
"My she's pretty, what's her name?"
"Go fuck off and sit back down
"ok fine, I'll leave you and begone,
but you'll wish I'd not left you alone"
"Fuck off I'll manage on my own"
So he turned back, turned on the charm
Hoping his mate had done no harm
to his chances of maybe getting laid
Proving that he'd made the grade
of rugged men and hardy folk
Who go out and shag each week
He longs to wear the self same cloak
of letharios of which we speak
And his eyes, he realised, kept on straying
most impatient to be playing
with her breasts most pert and brazen,
(they really were most amazing)
But then a buzzing in his jeans
distracting him from mental scenes
of banging, frotting and rogering
and trying to push his todger in
"Please don't go, don't be dismissive,
I have received a mobile missive
He whipped his phone out somewhat quickly,
it was his mate, he read it sickly.

"Although I've heard she gives good head,
find another girl in her stead,
you may well receive raunchy jinks,
in return for a few more drinks,
But there's one thing of which I'm sure,
she lives next door to me you see,
She's certainly not as pure,
So take thee heed of my decree,
You see, that girl so cute with which you're flirting,
I can confirm she's only thirteen.
So say goodbye, make your escape
Or you'll find in two days hence
you'll be charged with statutory rape
of which there's no real true defence"

So fellows learn from this your lesson
Before seeking out a girl so free,
Future problems you will lessen
If you first ask for some ID.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 11:29, closed)

Fuck me
Epic! Great work with this one, mate. Great stuff.
( SpankyHanky, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 11:46, closed)

Cheers
took me all weekend too
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 12:18, closed)

Fantastic.

(TheColonel, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 13:04, closed)

Bloody well done!
That was a weekend well spent.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Mon 22 Feb 2010, 13:33, closed)

browning?
more like William Topaz McGonagall.
(micky2shoes has more shoes than feet, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 19:50, closed)

I had just read
Pied Piper.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 21:13, closed)