Mark for Flirting 101: C-
So I am (currently) an assistant professor, what I think the British call a assistant lecturer, in English. At the end of one recent academic year, two of my students and I went off for a beer in the nearest campus pub.

One of these students was a very cute slender girl of East Asian descent, and as we entered the pub a large drunk guy offered her a greeting, a fist bump or something like. She didn't want to, so I returned the fist bump. And why not?

I'll tell you why not: the drunk guy showed up at our table and started hitting on me. I was then 37 or so, overweight, and very married, so I had assumed that I was a neutral actor, large breasts or no. Nope! And yet it was not a total loss, as everything then went into a happier world where nothing made any goddamn sense, just as I like it.

"Man, I been hitting on girls all day and nothing. So whadda you do? You a grad student?" "Professor for these guys' class." "So you're a professor, huh." "Uh-huh." "Really? So you got a PhD? And the whole nine yards?" "Yep, PhD and everything." "Wow. Cool. Hey. Paging Dr. Love. Dr. Looooooove! Paging Dr. Looooooove," the drunk guy crooned, "Doc! Tor! LoooOOoooove," as my non-cute-girl student buried his face in his hands. "So, hey, Doctor Love, I guess this isn't gonna happen, huh," Drunky hazarded. "Nuh-uh." "Okay, I'm'a go hit on that girl over there at the bar. And maybe I'll still see you around, Professor ... ?" as he offered me a slightly hope-laden hand to shake. And in my only decent come-back ever, I replied:

"Love."

The guy had the presence of mind to crack up, and also to inform me two minutes later, "Hey, Professor Love, she shot me down!" as he sat there with his hand hovering one centimetre over the girl-at-the-bar's ass.

He didn't even look that drunk.
(Tullia, Thu 25 Feb 2010, 9:21, 12 replies)

AFAIK
In the UK it goes:

Assistant Lecturer
Lecturer
Senior Lecturer
Reader
Professor
(Psymon_Spark Jesus Saves! The rest of you take 4d6 damage, Thu 25 Feb 2010, 9:30, closed)

US/Canadian ranks

Ours are actually pretty confusing. Since I can't sleep and I want to brood on how much I hate the academy, here's how it goes:

1) Hired as assistant professor (full-time), usually in a position where research is more important than teaching
2) If you get tenure, seven years in or so, associate professor, where you can sit for life, barring criminal charges; many people stop doing research to speak of here and many stop thinking much about students
3) If you pass a second, harder review another seven or more years on, full professor
4) Kind of retired, half- or one-third-time: emeritus

Those are the minority of higher academic positions in the US, though. Most are some kind of part-time deal and the blanket term seems to be "instructor." "Instructor" can mean almost anything short-term, though usually it means people on one-term or one-year contracts for a given course, and who might get paid very little (as in, a couple-few thousand USD a year per course, with 5000 USD being a "decent" wage, and most universities hiring for a maximum of three simultaneous year-long courses, or just short of full-time). They also rarely get a health plan, which is the real sticking point for many people, of course, in the US. These positions are also called adjuncts (adjunct professors or instructors, either one) or sometimes sessionals.

"Lecturer" usually means some kind of limited position, mostly teaching with little to no assumption of research, and is renewed on an ongoing basis every three to five years or so; the general assumption is that the contract will be renewed, barring horribleness. This is usually a full-time position, except when "lecturer" actually means "adjunct," as it sometimes does.

And then there's "visiting assistant professors," who are full-time but non-renewable faculty, there for a year or two, and then out again: theoretically nice for the CV, but mostly cheaper for the university, which doesn't have to worry about long-term benefits.

So, basically, if anyone tells you that professors have it really cushy in the US, they're wrong. A limited subset of professors have it really cushy, but the rest are bouncing job to job and picking up part-time work just like everyone else.
(Tullia, Thu 25 Feb 2010, 10:02, closed)

They still have it better than British academics.
My parents (who are both British, as am I) have been professors at universities in the US my whole life (they moved universities once in 27 years), and the pay, benefits and job security is a whole lot better than in the UK.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 25 Feb 2010, 11:18, closed)

Disagree.
Once you are past probation as a lecturer in the UK you are as safe as a tenure prof in the US, and the pay is fine to very good, assuming (crucially) you are any good at your job. The pension is probably one of the best in the UK, and most Unis have a lot of benefits (cheap gyms, NHS dentists, etc etc)

The problem is that once past probation, many just ease off and don't put in the full effort. Also, you have to be prepared to accept that your job is to generate income for the university, through either research or teaching, and stop pretending the whole thing is really some noble higher purpose.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 25 Feb 2010, 11:59, closed)

The big difference in the US
is that a lecturer is a teaching position, primarily. Lecturer in the UK is equivalent of tenure professor in the US. The US doesn't really officially rank the seniority of their tenured staff as such, whereas here, you go lecturer/senior lecturer/reader/professor.

Although some Unis don't bother with reader.

Assistant professor in the US is the equivalent of PDRA or research fellow in the UK, it's usually a fixed-term appointment funded from a particular research grant or funding area.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 25 Feb 2010, 11:48, closed)

There's no such thing as an assistant lecturer in the UK
At least, not at any University that wasn't a sports centre 10 years ago.

Assistant professor is more or less the equivalent of PDRA in the UK. Although, in the US it's more about the tenure, baby.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 25 Feb 2010, 11:43, closed)

Sort of.
It's Lecturer A, Lecturer B, Senior Lecturer, Reader (though noone knows exactly what that means), Professor.

Though some universities - notably Warwick - go with the US categorisation, to the general confusion.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Thu 25 Feb 2010, 11:55, closed)

yeah, but they are cunts, and will get what's coming ;)
I thought they had bottled that now anyway, because of confusion about job positions?

Edit - oh, I forgot, Reader helps because it used to be that departments or universities had a fixed number of chairs based on their size or some other measure, and effectively that meant if you stayed in one place you had to "inheret" your professorship with the previous incumbent's retirement, so if that was a long way off and you were good you got a readership.

Now, you can create as many bloody chairs as you like if you can justify and fund it. My department has 4 profs, one SL and 6 lecturers. Stable profile, do you think? ;)
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 25 Feb 2010, 12:00, closed)

I know
a Reader, i'll ask!
(Psymon_Spark Jesus Saves! The rest of you take 4d6 damage, Thu 25 Feb 2010, 12:13, closed)

Or, y'know
You could accept that both Enzyme and I are lecturers at respected UK universities and that we might know what we are talking about ;)

Although, this being the internet, I don't blame you for checking .....
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 25 Feb 2010, 12:21, closed)

Only on B3ta could a post about flirting
start a conversational descent into a bitching match about the correct use of termilogy by which to refer to university lecturers.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 25 Feb 2010, 12:36, closed)

bitching?
wasn't meant to be.

anyway, it's VER IMPORTANT to be right, online, didn't you know?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 25 Feb 2010, 12:44, closed)