I'm a former chef...
...and I had plenty of opportunities to add bodily fluids and roadkill to hundreds of dishes, but I never did.

The nearest I came to it was after one woman asked for a well-done fillet steak, which I cooked in the usual way. Our fillet steaks were like a man's fist so by the time the middle was cooked the outside was pretty crispy.

Lady complains the outside is too "burnt" and wants another one. Bear in mind the first one took 45 minutes and it's 10 minutes before closing time, so I got another fillet steak out, wrapped it in cling film and threw it on the floor before jumping up and down on it.

2 minutes in a 3kW microwave oven, followed by 30 seconds in the deep fat fryer and thrown on the flame grill to catch fire for 45 seconds. On the plate it went and back to the table.

The result? Compliments to the chef, best steak I've had in years, bought all the kitchen staff a pint.
( Amos E Wolfe makes vinyl signs and things like that, Fri 19 Sep 2008, 13:18, 2 replies)

Thanks...
for the tip, now I know how to make those requests work. Never thought of a microwave.
(aeon chicken Like the Millenium Falcon, only slower and noisier, Sat 20 Sep 2008, 23:59, closed)

As a chef
you should know that to do a fillet steak well done, all you have to do is butterfly it
(SarcasticBarSteward wants to be good at Photoshop when he grows up, Mon 22 Sep 2008, 20:58, closed)