On how my nose sabotaged my dinner.
I'm not unaccustomed to taking dinner before the television, due in part to me being something of an uncouth lout, but equally as it's preferable to standing at the kitchen counter, in absence of a more suitable location.

I am, therefore, well practised at balancing my plate atop a table mat, which itself rests upon my knees. You may have witnessed such a sight among the other proles that infest this green and pleasant land.

On one such occasion, as I was dining on something-and-chips, as my kind is wont to do of an evening, a sneeze lodge itself within my nasal cavity and rested there, while gathering the energy required to propel itself across the small hovel I proudly call home.

I took the necessary action of running the reverse of my sleeve beneath my nose and continued stuffing my face with vein clogging fare, content in the knowledge that I would be able to enjoy picking the dried mucus from the itchy, cheap material later that evening.

Out of the blue the sneeze decided the time was right, and launched itself from my nose, causing a spasm to course through my body, my legs to twitch and my meal to be sent floorways in horrible, taunting slow motion.

Not content with upsetting my dinner, the sneeze finished what it had started and shot a ball of snot directly onto the now filthy pile of floor food, as though to provide a green cherry as garnish to my ruined dinner-cake.
( Moey, Fri 19 Sep 2008, 14:01, 1 reply)

Table mat?
ever heard of a tray?
(sailorspoon started wiping his own arse from, Fri 19 Sep 2008, 15:31, closed)