Gran this is Mary... Mary this is my Gran...
my gran on my dads side kicked it a few years back, and it had been a long time comin so it was no surprise to the us. at the funeral though when the priest was reading out the names of her children (my faithers brothers and sisters, 9 of them) he started the list with the name thomas... cue puzzled looks all round as my dad and my aunts and uncles think 'thomas?'. it turns out my gran had had a thomas who died when he was 8 b4 any of the rest of them were born and never bothered tellin any1. mass hysteria ensued.

so that was a bit of shocker for them, but then the priest continues by telling us my gran was born out of wedlock, another fuckin shocker for everyone seein as how she was a total right winger and she had freaked out when my parents had me b4 they got married (they still aint).

anyway, after the cremation my aunts ask me if i'll pick up the ashes from the undertakers in a coupla days cos i stay the closest! way too much pressure but i cant exactly refuse. right?

so i do it. but as im on my way home i have to walk past my girlfriends work (she was a mangeress in poundstretchers at the time) so i decide to introduce them as they had never met. i had warned her i was gonna do it but she thought i was at the wind up, so as i stroll in, box containing urn under arm, her face drops and she turns white. her assistant manageress who she must have told about my 'wind-up' sees me and screams the place down while pushing me out the door.

"but dont you want to meet my gran? she wants to meet you"

apoligies 4 length and shitness. its my first time.
(Raol Duke, Wed 17 May 2006, 21:29, Reply)