My brother's best quote
Milling around moderately aimlessly outside a crematorium, murmuring "lovely service" and such to one another, didn't quite fly with my elder brother after my great Aunt's funeral.

On spotting the crematorium's chimney suddenly belching out a pillar of black smoke, he turned to me and said "Thar she blows!"
(injektilo smoking the weed that killed elvis, Fri 12 Apr 2013, 19:50, 5 replies)

I can't wait to hear some other quotes if that's his best one.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 12 Apr 2013, 20:03, closed)

was this one of those made-up crematoriums that burns the bodies while the mourners are still on the premises?
and has had the filters removed from the gas extraction system?
(Brigadier an old boot sitting on a man's face - forever, Fri 12 Apr 2013, 22:20, closed)

dunno! probably wasn't my g-aunt being immolated, but made me splutter all the same
(injektilo smoking the weed that killed elvis, Sun 14 Apr 2013, 18:53, closed)

at Norwich crematorium
they have "No Smoking" signs in the toilets, which is vaguely amusing.

But seriously, UK crematoria aren't like Auschwitz and there shouldn't be any smoke. Your biggest problem at the moment is likely to be mercury emissions from all the fillings.
(rogerzilla, Sun 14 Apr 2013, 15:13, closed)

I used to think that
until we saw my great aunt off at the Chilterns crematorium c.1994. As normally happens the attendees filed outside to look at the flowers and read the cards. As we were milling around a spiral of oily grey smoke started emerge from the low-rise chimney. Unfortunately there was a breeze and we were downwind. It was odd to be making polite conversation whilst getting wafts of BBQ/burnt sunday roast smells. I've no idea whether it was Edna herself or an earlier punter but it was quite funny in a very inappropriate way.
( custardthehedgehog, Sun 14 Apr 2013, 17:59, closed)