Waking Meany.
A few years ago my grandmother-in-law(?) popped her clogs. I didn't attend the funeral but our little family unit went to her wake held at my uncle-in-law's(?).

Meanie was pretty much universally know by that name by most of her kids and grand-kids due to her being a bitchy, sour-two-faced, bitter,downright nasty and withered old prune of a woman. Her grandmotherly nick-name sounded very similar and she was a little hard of hearing in her last few years so everyone pretty much referred to her as "Meany".
This was the woman who critisised my wife about her weight gain - whilst she was pregnant with our daughter. She told me to my face that the only reason she "liked" me was that my mum was a 'proper' English woman and that I had attended a private school. The same person who disowned her daughter after she had hocked some of her father's war medals in order to get money to feed her children after Meanies beloved son-in-law had blown the family savings and budget at the local casino. Again.
If you're sitting there scratching your head wondering what I mean and can't relate, then shut up & thank fuck to the universe that you've never met such a dour, self-serving, manipulative harridan.

Anyhoo...

Meanies' wake.
As I said it was held at her youngest son Mick's house. He was probably the closest to her even tho he couldn't stand to be in the same room as her for more than 5 min. [Mothers and Sons, eh?]. Most of my Monster-in-law's family are not big drinkers, including Mick who is a tee-total. Despite that Meany drank like a fish, losing half her foot to diabetes - she refused to give up her 'couple of glasses of wine or G&T's a day' (a cask or half a bottle). Me I was on a '"medically induced hiatus" from imbibing, so I was happy to skipper and keep an eye on the bairn.

That night the piss-up-wake floodgates opened. Everyone drank apart from Mick and I. And I don't just mean they got tipsy - everyone was pissed and celebrating Meanies death (not her life). There were a few second cousins who clearly saw the writing on the wall and got the fuck out of Dodge as soon as they could whilst still seeming to be polite. After that it was on. There were a few tears - mostly relief and some happy memories of Meanie's self-inflicted misfortunes.
They went thru a crate of scotch (not the good stuff otherwise I would've nabbed a bottle for Ron), a few cartons of beer and a crate of nice white wine.
EDIT: I should say at this pont - it was catered. Beautifully by Mick's Thai bride, What (a former chef).
What made a number of dishes but the best were her Vietnamese/Japanese spring rolls - pork, shallots, shitake mushrooms, vermicelli rice noodles, pistachios and pickled ginger wrapped in rice wrappers soaked in rice wine, namp-la (fish sauce) and soy sauce. Fucking yumm!

Many family issues were dug up, fought and resolved that night - quite a few of them had arisen directly due to Meanie's meddling and intervention. Much laughter and hilarity happened remembering her foibles and quite a few family feuds were resolved. The night ended as we were leaving with a party heading up the road to a local coppers place (apparently an old family friend) to bang on his door and wheedle out of him a couple of his good bottles of scotch.

All in all, everyone enjoyed Meanie's wake, especially the people who most deserved to. Including Meany, who wasn't there. If there is a demon in Hell poking a red hot poker up her jacksie, I hope she's giving him an earful right now.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 18 Apr 2013, 5:33, 23 replies)

shut up and fuck off

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 18 Apr 2013, 8:05, closed)

Wheeeeeeee!
Look everyone it's Rory.

Yay for Rory and whatever he has to say.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 18 Apr 2013, 9:37, closed)

to be honest, whatever rory has to say is more interesting than your endless stories about people nobody knows
nor cares about. by some considerable degree. you might want to think about that for a bit when you sober up.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 18 Apr 2013, 10:20, closed)

Oh God!
Zinged by janet. Fuck me. I'm a goner.

Straight as a fucking dial darling.

EDIT: Also ummm /qotw you twit - stories about stuff that happened that you weren't there for, involving people you don't know.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 18 Apr 2013, 10:23, closed)

So the 2 people who have bothered to whinge so far about my post
are yet again part of a group of people who never post stories, never have anything really positive to say about others stories and rarely have anything ontopic in this thread to say.
Ever.

I wrote that above & I caught some shitty trolls? That sux!
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 18 Apr 2013, 10:31, closed)

I can't see there comments
As i probably have one of them on ignore. There is a person in my family just like Meanie so i can relate. Have a click
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Thu 18 Apr 2013, 10:53, closed)

Rory & then janet. You're not missing out on much.
Cheers.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 18 Apr 2013, 10:58, closed)

Nothing at all with those two

(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Thu 18 Apr 2013, 10:59, closed)

What was the name of Mick's wife?

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 18 Apr 2013, 12:38, closed)

What.
Wacist.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 18 Apr 2013, 12:42, closed)

That's what I want to know.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 18 Apr 2013, 13:24, closed)

What?

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 18 Apr 2013, 13:28, closed)

Her name!
What was it?

(I bet this'd be much funnier on the radio. In 1930.)
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 18 Apr 2013, 13:34, closed)

Wot?
(Yes.)
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 18 Apr 2013, 13:44, closed)

Jesus you're dull.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 18 Apr 2013, 12:46, closed)

So dull you just had to read the post & then comment.
Whilst you've got me on ignore.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 18 Apr 2013, 13:09, closed)

Read it? Ahahahahahahaha. You funny guy.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 18 Apr 2013, 14:42, closed)

'If there is a demon in Hell poking a red hot poker up her jacksie, I hope she's giving him an earful right now.'
I saw huge paintings of that exact process inside the dome of the cathedral in Florence, performed by a demon who was holding up the victim by the ankle with one hand and jabbing with the other.

More pokers were heating up in a conveniently-placed brazier and the next few victims were looking on, wide-eyed and biting their fingers in fear.

I mention this because there seemed to be no back-chat from the victim, just pain. Them demons, they know what they're doing. Old Meanie may have met her match.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Thu 18 Apr 2013, 13:17, closed)

Brave fucking demons.

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 18 Apr 2013, 13:22, closed)

So your story
is that you had the clap, and had been told not to drink.
(username failed moderation, Thu 18 Apr 2013, 13:43, closed)

Only clap I've ever had was the applause from my legion of fans.
No, burgeoning alcoholism. That's all.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 18 Apr 2013, 13:45, closed)

Phew.
Lucky.
(username failed moderation, Thu 18 Apr 2013, 14:43, closed)

Wat and nam-pla.
That is all.
( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Thu 18 Apr 2013, 16:47, closed)