Craps
My office had a betting pool on when the office bitch would take a shit.

Evidently the (literally!) anal retentive shrew had somehow managed to break her intestines to the point where they thought she might have had a kidney stone, couldn't keep anything down for days, and in fact had not dropped the kids off at the pool in over a week and a half. After sonograms, doctor visits and a couple hundred dollars, they gave her three types of laxatives and said "good luck".

We placed our bets (I was optimistic about the strength of medical grade laxatives and bet for 11:00-12:00) and she chugged, swallowed, and chewed the syrup, pills and digestives in one fell swoop. A stomach full of laxatives pushing a pair of intestines stuffed to the brim with week and a half old shit... at that point we figured she'd explode.

Anal retentive bitch lasted until the 4:30 staff meeting.
(TheManWhoWas SlightlyKnackered, Thu 7 May 2009, 19:00, 2 replies)

This would have been so much better
if you had "helped her" out of being egg-bound without actually telling her, just slipping the laxatives into her morning coffee and then took bets on how long she'd last before she headed for the bogs like an Exocet.

Maybe you should try it sometime soon? Report back!
(Rsoles, Thu 7 May 2009, 19:37, closed)

Orlistat
I think it's just been renamed something or other in the UK but this is some kind of diet pill, any decent GP would probably advise against prescribing it but if you can get some into her diet you may find she shits herself uncontrollably (apparently it works by binding to lipids, which then go into the colon and render the anal sphincter powerless, so you get fatty greasy shit slipping out your arsehole and nothing you can do about it) ... depends how much of a bitch you think she is really!

:P
(zenmeban thinks the weather could be better, Mon 11 May 2009, 18:54, closed)