Jewels in the crown
Crown Casino in Melbourne is a horrid building. I am sure that the architect took the plans to Hitler’s bunker and made it ugly. The only thing of interest is the 40 foot gas flames that burst into life every couple of minutes out the front.

I was in Melbourne visiting a mate who had moved down there because he had fallen in love with a Melbournian girl, we shall call her Amy (FTWHN). She was great fun but, not the sort of girl most people would take home to meet mum. We had gone to the casino as my mate loves a bit of a gamble (read: would bet on two fly’s walking up a wall). The lower floor of Crown is like a concrete cave, dank, dark and filled with seedy looking desperate Asian men in old sneakers and stained jeans who truly reinforce the old adage that the only one winning is the casino.

We settled into a Blackjack table, minimum bet 5 bucks and was introduced a bloke he seemed to know, Harry, who had that look in his eye that suggested life had not only dealt him lemons but, shoved one up his arse with considerable force. So it began;

$5 down, card, card, hit, stay, win, $5 down, card, card, hit, stay, lose, $5 down, card, card, hit, stay, lose, $5 down, card, card, hit, stay, win, $5 down, card, card, hit, stay, lose, $5 down, card, card, hit, stay, win, $5 down, card, card, hit, stay, win, $5 down, card, card, hit, stay, lose, $5 down, card, card, hit, stay, lose, $5 down, card, card, hit, stay, lose, $5 down, card, card, hit, stay, win, $5 down, card, card, hit, stay, win, $5 down, card, card, hit, stay, lose, ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, for fuck sakes, does this every get exciting?

Amy had hovered in the back ground watching but, I could tell she was bored too (the fact she kept saying fuck this is boring sort of gave it away). I told my mate I was going to take a look around, to which he replied, “mmm”, and got up to leave, collecting my handfuls of $5 chips. The dealer asked me if I wanted to colour. Why would I want to colour, I am 28 years old? I haven’t carried crayons in months, but, apparently, that was casino speak for change lots of $5 chips into one $100 chip. So I set off for a look around the casino and Amy decided to come with me. We talked about the casino and betting and how dull it really was. Amy wanted to know what I though would be an interesting bet.

“Bet you $5 you wouldn’t show me your tits”

So she dragged me into fire escape and whipped out her norks, I understood my mate’s interest in this bird now.

“where’s me 5 bucks she said” and gratefully I paid. “well I bet you a fiver you won’t show me your knob” she laughed. So I got my 5 bucks back. This has potential though I, “$5 says you won’t show me your spage” oh so crafty. “I’m not taking that bet” she said and walked back onto the gaming floor. I tagged along in case she changed her mind and wanted to do some more gambling as she headed back to the Blackjack tables where nothing had changed.

“What did you see?” asked my mate.

“A couple of interesting things but, not as much as hoped for" I said

“mmmmm” he replied.
(bad_advice QOTW survivor from the first trollocost!, Sun 10 May 2009, 13:40, Reply)