A fool and his money are soon parted
As an accountant, I spend quite a bit of time pissing all over the various “get rich quick” schemes that my friends and clients dream up. I don’t know why they bother asking for my opinion as they invariably ignore my advice and do whatever poorly thought out bollocks they think is going to make them overnight squillionaires anyway.

I have had to think hard about which tales of financial woe are appropriate for B3ta as they range from idle plans that never got off the ground to serious business adventures that ended in bankruptcy & marital breakdown. After careful consideration I have decided to tell you about “Farmer Bob”.

Farmer Bob has tried and failed to supplement his income with the following money making schemes:

1) Christmas trees: He planted a field of conifers in the hope of raking it in at Christmas. Unfortunately they never got harvested as the cost of felling & transporting the trees was not covered by the selling price. Oh well, at least he doesn’t have to buy a Christmas tree for the next 300 years.

2) Pedigree cat breeding: He spent a fortune on a pair of Burmese cats. Unfortunately some wiley tomcat managed to get to the female first and the little hussy gave birth to a litter of tabbies.

3) Angora Wool: He bought a flock of Angora goats; all went well until the night after their first shearing where they all died of hypothermia.

4) Pedigree dog breeding: He bought an expensive pedigree male puppy with the intent of hiring it out for stud to puppy farms. Unfortunately it was a breed that must be particularly fond of musical theatre as it refused to do the deed when presented with a lady dog in heat.

Poor old Farmer Bob, it’s a good job he has inherited wealth. His latest money making idea is to breed organic beef cattle. I can almost hear the foot & mouth sirens going off.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 1 Aug 2008, 18:53, 2 replies)

Pedigree dogs
My dad bought a pedigree Tibetan Terrier bitch as a pet, but didn't get her done, because he thought it would be a great plan to get her to be a puppy factory as my aunt also has a Tibetan Terrier. The plan failed as she ran away every time the dog tried to hump her. I think she died a virgin bless her.
(hutchers, Sat 2 Aug 2008, 10:07, closed)

You owe me £5 for a new keyboard......
.......the last one went "kaput" when I sprayed
tea all over it after reading number 3 (about the Angora Goats)

Great Post.
(Stashie is plotting against his blender on, Tue 5 Aug 2008, 6:22, closed)