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This is a question Get Rich Quick

Jabboy contacted us because he's skint. So what have you done to make money fast? Did you actually make anything, or were you just ripped off by someone who really was getting rich quick? Did you have to sell your soul?

PS. Jabboy is available for rent on 0870 88673242

(, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 16:57)
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This question is now closed.

Have you ever noticed
how some charities are hugely successful while others drag along, grateful for our foreign coinage and sponsored egg-and-spoon race proceedings? Cancer charities, for example, are often huge successes because many people have seen someone they care about going through cancer and know how awful it is. Famous people rally our support and tell us about what they went through - Kylie, for one. It's seen as a righteous cause (and justly so) and it's one that's easily promoted - buy a glittery ribbon, a wristband, a special t-shirt from George at ASDA, join a big group of people walking a paltry distance while dressed in pink. (Mental health charities, on the other hand, get much less exposure because mental illness is so stigmatised and poorly understood by the majority of the population. Not so marketable, see?)

The sufferers should also be cute - the cuter the better. A fluffeh kitteh will be oh-so appealing to the animal lover who weeps at the thought of such a sweet little cat being left in the rain (it was probably a bad cat, okay? It probably shit all over the carpet).

What trumps a kitten? A weak and fragile child. So much the better if it's a weak and fragile child with a) blonde hair or b) no hair.

Want to make money fast? Get yourself a high visibility jacket, some ribbon, a bucket and a thin, sickly child who looks like they can't afford the next round of chemo. You'll be quids in.
(, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 17:39, 20 replies)
In chronological order:
1. Grave digging. Funeral arranger bills relatives of deceased for council grave digger (it was the late 70's), I did the job half half price. Hard work, and slow. Didn't make much, but gave me a thirst for making wonga.
2. Selling sheepskin coats - it was the 80's! Buy them wholesale, sell retail. Doubled my money on each coat. Business died off in Summer.
3. Rave Art - it was the 90's. I made lots and lots of paintings with magazine/flyer ripouts (not cutouts). Pence to make and frame. Sold them to trippers outside clubs for pounds.
4. Amphetamine Sulphate - What a return on investment that was!
5. Information Technology - Money for old rope, and legal.
(, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 17:39, Reply)
I don't know if anyone
knows of the Dome in Tufnell Park- it's basically a club that's famed for letting the chillun in, no questions asked.

Me and my mate used to buy cheap weed and bag it up, hide it in our leg warmers, and sell it in £5 baggies down there.

We made a fortune.

Well, a fortune to 14 year olds.
(, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 17:31, Reply)
drugs to kids
(, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 17:26, Reply)
I managed to raise a loan of half a million Euro from the European Commision for a website...
... with no revenue model. We spent three years making it and then realised we'd never make the money back.

Officially, we still owe them their money five years later. The site had maybe a few thousand visitors at most.
(, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 17:24, Reply)
It takes 9 months, but that's quite quick:
1. Have a baby.
2. Sell it.
(, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 17:23, 5 replies)
My Own Worst Enemy
**Length and lack of teh funny apology, upfront**

Occasionally, I'm my own worst enemy. I seem to have this little thing inside me, somewhere, implanted under the skin that, on the odd occasion that I have a good idea it instantly tips me into full-on self-destructo mode. But I digress.

There's an allegation that I'm a bit creative and that I can sometimes see problems and solutions that aren't seen elsewhere.

This helps me to remain gainfully employed (or, at least, employed) and earning a reasonable wage (defined as (age x (n*1000)).

When I create things at work I should - and now do - patent them. The first two things I created and shared with people that I was working with at the time I didn't.

This meant that I was financially disadvantaged by nothing other than my own stupidity. On the other hand, a certain company whose name may rhyme with "Nonson and Nonson" DID patent my invention and are busily commercialising it at the moment.

Another company, whose name may rhyme with "Emperian" and are based in Nottingham also patented a method for using data to detect fraud effectively, and have added it to one of their models.

Edit: Sorry - should have made this clear. I was self-employed at the time when I did this.
(, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 17:22, 2 replies)
If I had a pound for every shit QOTW topic there's ever been
I reckon I would be pretty rich by now...
(, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 17:22, 1 reply)
I am zimbabwean bank manager
and i for you have 100million zimbabwean dollars!
congratulations lucky person
for you to must have first you send me your bank details, address, sort code, phonebill, picture of your mother* and £200 english pounds to cover transfer costs yeeeeees?
It for good time for you to have!

*I masterbation require to have
(, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 17:19, 6 replies)
George Formby is spinning in his grave
Back in the old days, before the internet. Before yours truly was walking the earth. Being bored wee nippers with a need for money my 2 uncles set up a window washing thing. One of the uncles was a hard working chap who washed the windows with great care and was happy for whatever money he was given. The other one got bored easily and instead of washing the windows he just wet the window sills and collected his money.

Length? about 30 seconds per window
(, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 17:17, Reply)
fake death
yadda yadda.

Insert "up shit creek without a paddle" length joke here.

Let us then hear no more on these lines, or anything involving missing children and charity funds, or anything involving fuel prices as powervator did that joke quite succinctly below.
(, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 17:17, 3 replies)
started a company.

I'm still waiting (also, missed the start of the QOTW, cause a customer came to me office)
(, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 17:16, Reply)
I sold
every single piece of clothing I had besides the ones I was wearing and a spare set and then being on somewhat of a happy free roll proceeded to sell everything else that would not fit into my suitcase and then I left and ran away for a year.

One of the best things I've ever done in my life! It feels amazingly liberating!
(, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 17:10, 5 replies)
This time next year, Rodders...
Eyeing the chance of a quick profit, I bought a job lot of football calendars from cheapskate bookshop The Works at 50p each at the end of one January, the plan being to flog them to footie fans on the internet at a bit of a mark up.

I would - I hoped - be the next Del Boy.

The orders FLOWED in. Both of them.

Anyone want 27 copies of the 2002 Arsenal calendar? Buy 26, get a box of Tottenham Hotspurs FREE.
(, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 17:09, 3 replies)
Well I am the CEO for British Gas...
and I would like to extort 35% extra money from 16 million British citizens.

Who's going to stop me? Oooh nobody!
(, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 17:08, 2 replies)
Sold lots of 'limited edition' records to sweaty fanboi's from all over the place, mostly america though. made lots of money. Best one though was a DVD that was given out at some Canadian Expo, it had a Plastikman viddy on it, with an exclusive 5.1 mix, not available ANYWHERE else. I emailed the UK based company that manufactured the DVD and the guy sent me a copy.

The video looks as though it was done in flash and i didn't have a 5.1 set up. Soooo. I popped in on e-bay and got £70 for it. I then mailed the guy back and asked for another copy as the previous one got 'broke'. he sent me his last copy which i then sold for £40. So, a £110 for fuck all.

I then noticed the guy who bought the first one, selling his, for £20. SUCKER
(, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 17:07, Reply)
artistic stuff....
...well I paint photorealistic wildlife in my spare time. Last year, I put a "wind in the willows" inspired painting up in an exhibition. The painting took about a week on and off, and netted me £250. That's as close to a GRQ scheme as I've ever come...
(, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 17:06, Reply)
I moaned...
...about the price if wholesale oil, raised prices by mucho-percento and then posted record profits in the billions.

I'm a bastard, me.
(, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 17:05, Reply)
Given that we all spend our days waiting for the QOTW to change to something not shit*
does it really seem likely that any of us had the motivation or inclination to "get rich quick", and if we had gotten rich quick, wouldn't we be too busy swimming off our multi-million pound yachts with a bunch of hookers dressed as Nazis, yammering like monkeys off our noveau-riche faces on Fair Trade cocaine, to hang out here with all the other losers?

(*alas, it hasn't happened this Thursday)
(, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 17:04, 8 replies)
Website hosting!
My server is just ticking over...
(, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 17:04, Reply)
Get rich quick?
I'm still bloody trying. I've been on the planet approaching 40 years and I still haven't got rich.

Not going well, then, is it?
(, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 17:04, Reply)
Oh joy
A week of people being smug that they probably managed to rip people off and/or steal money from little old ladies. (edit: ha just seen IHROOC's post below!)

I knew we wouldn't get the letter writing one :(

I don't have any "get rich quick schemes" I work full time and sell my old DVDs if I need cash
(, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 17:02, 1 reply)
i punched
an old lady in the cunt and nicked her bag. 2 grand. Piece of piss.
(, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 17:01, 1 reply)
Edit: Sixth :|
(, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 17:01, Reply)
I took money to get the first post on the new QOTW
Now I'm going to take my ill-gotten gains and run away to France! Mwahahahaha!
(, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 17:00, Reply)
I hate black people
So slavery was a great option
(, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 17:00, Reply)
…wait, what was the question again?...


I sold something I've regretted ever since- it was an antique musical instrument I had rescued from a junk shop.

I got $40 for it.

I later found out it was worth about four times that.
(, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 17:00, Reply)

(, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 17:00, 2 replies)
sold a kidney
Really though, I'm off to Nigeria next week for a couple of months and I'll be earning a rather nice dayrate while I'm there.

Enterprising fellow that I am, I thought I might take spambaiting to its logical conclusion on my weekly day off and doorstep a few of the main protagonists. I'm sure my family will be delighted when they get rich quickly on my inflated life insurance premium payout once I've been machete'd into a fine Oil Slick tartare. Just how hard can it be?
(, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 17:00, 1 reply)

This question is now closed.

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