Scary Dave
Not exactly a friend, but someone I used to work with, that for safety purposes we shall refer to as 'Scary Dave'. He often went far too far in conversation, giving you far too much detail and suggested things you really didn't want to know about.

To give you a clue what he was like, he came in to work one day and said "I'm bored".

"What with?"

"My new girlfriend. I've come on her face, fucked her up the arse, now I'm bored."

He had been going out with her for a week.

Sadly, he gets worse.

One day, Scary Dave was giving me a lift home from work as we both lived in the same bit of NW London. We were sitting at the lights as an attractive woman walked past. I glanced, Dave stared. And stared.

And then said, "Right here's the plan! We drive past her, you leap out, hit her over the back of the head with your mobile phone, I bundle her into the boot, we drive her back to mine and we fuck her."

"Er, I think we'll probably get caught" (the fact that it would be immoral, evil and wrong would be too long and complex a theory to get through to Dave).

"Oh, sure we'll get caught" he said, grinning "but we'll get to fuck *her*".

"Um, any chance you could let me out here Dave?"

I still expect to see him on the news, in fact I did once ring Crimestoppers when a photofit of a guy a bit like him was on it. Sadly that wasn't the worst Scay Dave story. The worst Scary Dave story was "Moisty in a box". Don't ask.

*we had huge phones for work back when they were still relatively new
(Wascally Weasel now with 100% fewer jokes., Fri 10 Nov 2006, 14:42, Reply)