When rivalry goes way too far, or How To Make Liberace Look Butch
During sixth form, Stalker Boy got it into his head that he should "pretend to be gay" so that he would be able to encourage girls to adopt him as their gay best friend and not his friend/enemy/fwap-object, Tris. This was because he got insanely jealous every time Tris made friends with a female of any kind (Will & Grace has got a hell of a lot to answer for) and felt that the girls were "stealing" his friend.

Therefore, by his reckoning, all he had to do to appear to have the gay was to drop 2 stone (which he never did - he would go to the gym and then eat a fry-up for dinner), gel his hair up into a quiff and shop in Next. Oh, and acquire a boyfriend.

It was for this reason that I ended up wandering around my local Asda till closing time, trying to help him suss out whether the guy behind the till on the George counter was a) gay and b) fancied him. This involved having to leave him a note in my handwriting with his phone number on it behind the till.

Not only this, but when the guy decided he was straight (and demonstrated this by kissing someone we both knew) and did not reply to the text, I ended up being the one to send him texts from my dad's phone pretending to be from "Michael" and having to allow Stalker Boy to tell me I looked "divine!" in the most over-the-top fake gay way I have ever heard in my life.

Some time later, people started to believe that he was gay, and, sadly, it didn't have the desired effect after all. Shame. I just find it hard to believe that someone would go to so much effort to fuck someone else's life up, but then this is Stalker Boy we're talking about.
( Maladicta, Fri 10 Nov 2006, 18:04, Reply)